Special Guest Expert - Martha Jeffers.mp4: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Martha Jeffers.mp4: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Daniel Aaron:
What does it take to create a vibrant, thriving life? First, the sad news is that Thoreau was right. Most people are leading quiet lives of desperation, lacking in meaning, fulfillment, and vitality. But we choose more. We choose to create extraordinary lives and the art of vibrant living. Show entertains you with inspiration, empowerment and education to create your life into a masterpiece. It's time. Let's vibe up. Aloha y'all. Welcome to the show. I am Daniel Aaron and this is the Art of Vibrant Living show. Here's the question I have for you. Are you living up to your potential? Now it's kind of a trick question because nobody is right. There's always more. There's more potential. So the second question is not a trick question. And that one is, what are you doing to move closer to it? Are you on track for it? And the reason I ask is because your quality of life depends on that growth. And that's really what this show is all about. So I'm so grateful you all are here. We have an amazing guest today, a phenomenal show. It's going to be super cool. And by the way, if. You don't have something that you're consciously working toward to move toward your potential. If you don't get a plan, a system support, then please get it. And last request today, don't just take in the great information. Also, take at least one one of the gold gems you get and say, I'm going to apply that in my life. I'm going to try it in my life. That's where the rubber meets the road. And today's guest, Martha Jeffers. I'm so excited to have her for y'all here. She's an amazing woman who had an entire career in the corporate world. Hr training learned a lot about people, and then after 30 years of that said, hey, I'm going for a whole nother world of coaching with a master's degree in spiritual psychology. Tremendous life experience. She is the bridge for people to go from where they're at to living their dreams. We're super lucky to have her. I'm grateful. So awesome that you are here, Martha. Welcome to the show.

Martha Jeffers:
Thank you so much, Daniel. It's so great to be here. So exciting to be here with all of you. I just need one second, if you don't mind, Daniel.

Daniel Aaron:
Of course. Whatever you need to do.

Martha Jeffers:
One second. I'll be right there.

Daniel Aaron:
Yes. Okay. Well, in the meantime, let's go back to the question I asked y'all a moment ago. Are you living up to your potential? Right. And again, this is my philosophy. I don't love the word enlightenment. The reason because it implies there is some finished state. And the truth of it is we are always growing. There always is more. Yet, as Jim Rohn said, happiness is equal to progress, and the real progress that matters most is individual to you. What matters to you? What means something to you? All right, we'll say more on that later. Mark. Welcome back. Everything all right?

Martha Jeffers:
Everything's good now.

Daniel Aaron:
Okay. Cool. Perfect. So, Martha, now I have a little bit of an advantage over our audience because I know a little bit about you. And I just gave the audience a very brief bio about your experience from from the corporate world to coaching spiritual psychology. Would you flesh it out a little bit more, though, and let our audience know, who are you and how did you get to this point and doing the work that you're doing?

Martha Jeffers:
Who? So through the many years working, as you said, in our, um, having the privilege of. Um, having many, many, many conversations with employees in different corporations from manufacturing, uh, airplane parts to manufacturing products, beauty products all the way into the health care industry. I became so aware of the need for someone to listen to you. Mm. Um, the need for someone to hear whatever issues were coming up for the individual. And how to support them get through it. And sometimes they got through it. Not so how can we put it? Not how they were expecting it to be. But my hope always was that at the end of the day, they knew they were treated fairly equitably, and that perhaps there was a gem that was planted for them to grow deeper in their own experience of life. And so then that brought me. Here where I am now, today, um, starting my coaching practice or actually into my third or fourth year in coaching. Um.

Daniel Aaron:
Awesome. Well, you know, I'm with you, and learning about people in that kind of context must have been fascinating. I imagine it was challenging many times. And, and you said something that I think is very powerful. One of the one of the things I realized the more I travel in this world of coaching because I work as a coach also, that a lot of people don't know what coaching is, right? And understandably, it's relatively new using this word outside of the realm of athletics. Say, right, you know, part of what you said, though, I think is one of the biggest key values that a lot of people don't know about coaching is that most people in their lives do not have someone listening to them or listening to them attentively or lovingly or powerfully. So, you know, I get the impression already from from you, Martha, that you have a very high valuing of people, big heart, caring for people. What what attracted you into coaching and how would you define it?

Martha Jeffers:
Um. So going back to corporate. I ended my career in development, in training and development and creating opportunities for individuals who wanted to move into management and through that role. I had. The. Again, I use the word privilege because such a privilege to work with people, to really sit with them and listen to what their hearts really wanted to do. You know, most of us, and certainly in corporate we find ourselves very linear and linear thinking, very logical. We're measure we have measurements that we have to attain. We have goals that have to be met. A very linear thinking. And what I became very aware of is that's wonderful and we need that. But when we're operating strictly from logic and not dropping into our heart, we're not living, I think, the most vibrant, vibrant life as possible. And so. When that became really aware for me, it became rich because I know for a fact that I affected many employees who came back to me and shared with me how much they changed their lives. Not so much. It was me, but they're listening to some of the words that were being used, and so that just fills my heart when I can sit across the table from another and say, so really, what is in your heart? What is what is it that you want to create? So the so coaching for me is really that is tapping into our innermost soul, our innermost desires, and then taking action from a very logical perspective and making things happen. So I say I help people go from where they are right now to where they dream to be. Now, I would say that's what coaching is about.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful I love it, okay. And I have the sense and I think I heard a strain of this in what you said, that a lot of people have trouble realizing, admitting or owning what they really want is it is that does that make sense? Has that been part of your experience?

Martha Jeffers:
Well, yes, absolutely. And what I would also say is that there. They may not really know what they want. And the adventure and the curiosity is they think they know what they want because perhaps society has told them that's what they want, or they have influences from other sectors of their life that say, that's what you should be doing, but it not be maybe in their hearts. And so we peel back the onion to help discover. What really lies underneath all of that, so that they can pursue their own dreams in their own way and make the happiness and joy that they're wanting in their lives. May I give an example, please? So I have a dear friend who was who, uh, from a very young age, was being told that he was a great orator and a great thinker, and he would make a magnificent attorney. And so he decided that through mentoring and through support of the family, he entered, um, a very well-known school and then went on and got his master's and then went on and got his JD. He came out of a very well, uh, a very prominent, uh, law school and also a sports fanatic that he was he loved sports. And guess what he got on staff with the Dodgers. And he was there for a while, for some years, and then decided, this is not the career I want, and moved out of that after much research and much soul searching and, uh, personal development, and finally found the career that he loved and had nothing to do with law. And it had nothing to do with what was perceived. The road that was perceived for him and he's he's growing and expanding and very successful because he's coming from a different place. And, um, so that's what I, what I hope to do with supporting individuals is finding that place inside that really calls to them.

Daniel Aaron:
Well that's fantastic. Well, I don't know what the accurate stats on this are. However, what I've heard all of the different statistics I've heard about employee engagement or happiness or satisfaction, everything I've heard has been just abysmal. Um, you know, I heard just the other day a stat that it's, uh, I was above 80. I think it was like 88% of employees report being unhappy or disengaged with their work, you know? So I think of the example you just gave with your your dear friend. Right. What what made the difference, would you say that, that he was able to say, this is not doing it for me. I'm not I'm not feeling this. It's not fitting for me. I'm going to do something different because it seems like most people, maybe 88% I don't know, are in something that really doesn't fit them. It doesn't serve them, it doesn't light them up, yet they stay right. So what makes a difference?

Martha Jeffers:
That's a great question. Um. What makes a difference. You know, I think. I think it's courage. Mm. The courage to go in deeper and say. Who am I and what I want. It's not easy by any means. Uh, and it takes courage to go in and take a look at who am I? What do I think? What do I want? Um. And it takes time. And it takes tenacity. Um, I think of my own career. When I finally decided to change career, it took me about, I would say, six months of research, talking to people in different fields and finally narrowing it down to HR and speaking to HR executives about what is HR and what is it about, why do you love it? Why do you stick with it? And when it finally resonated for me, then I went ahead and pursued pursued a BS in order to get into the air field that I wanted to at. At 43, I went and got my bachelor's at from the University of San Francisco. And then I also knew I had to get a master's if I wanted to get further up the ladder within that field. And at the age of 60, I went and got my master's. So it's not. It's not for the faint of heart to do this kind of work or to do that kind of of. Contemplation of who I am in order to find that peace and that joy in what we do.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah, well, good for you for having that courage. That's inspiring. And, you know, I think of the saying that we've all heard many times, life begins where our comfort zone ends. Yes. And then I also think of the going way back to the Greek philosophers. The unexamined life is not worth living. Yeah. Right. So, you know, there's there's this relationship between courage and the willingness to go into discomfort and life quality or life satisfaction. Is that something that have you always had that kind of courage or is it something that you developed? And by the way, it might be we're getting a little bit of feedback. So maybe if you could still hear me, maybe if you turn your volume down a little bit, that will help. Okay.

Martha Jeffers:
Yes, I can hear you. Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
All right. Is that.

Martha Jeffers:
Better?

Daniel Aaron:
I think so we'll find out when I talk. But I think so, yeah.

Martha Jeffers:
Okay. And just.

Daniel Aaron:
Uh, one other thing. You might be aware of your hands. If they get near the microphone, they make some noise, too.

Martha Jeffers:
Okay. Yeah. Um, so let me think of the question again. Um.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, about it's asking about your experience with courage and that willingness to to look within and to move into discomfort. You know, did you have that from, from the time you were a wee little girl, or is that something that you developed? What's your experience? Been with it?

Martha Jeffers:
Well, I will I will say it this way. One of my core values is adventure. Mm. And I think that's been, that's been a value since I was a little girl. What's around the corner? Uh, what's across the street? What's over the mountain? How far can I go? How deep can I go into knowing myself? Um, so for me, it's been an adventure. And yes, definitely courage because. It takes courage to do some of this work. It took courage for me to say, you know, I want to change careers. And it took courage to say, I'm going to apply to a well-known school. And will I get in at this at the age that I was in as a mom? As a wife? Um. So. Yeah, it's an adventure for me. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Um. It's like. It's like traversing the road less traveled. And seeing and seeing what it can bring.

Daniel Aaron:
That's beautiful. Yeah, well, one way of looking at it is the opposite of adventure is certainty. Right. And that goes back to certainty is, of course, illusory. Anyway, there is no certainty. Um, I remember being in New York on the, on the day of nine over 11 and that, you know, was such a shocking experience to, to, to witness that was for me was like really made a huge visceral difference in my understanding of that concept of certainty. I realized like, wow, you just never know what's going to happen. Yet there's such a human tendency to try to hold on to that illusion of certainty. Whereas adventure, as you said, uh, you know, you didn't say these words, but the unknown. What's over there? How far can I go? Um. That's beautiful. So when you when you work with people, do you have ways that you encourage that kind of bravery in them?

Martha Jeffers:
Subtly, yes. Uh, depending on what they're really seeking and where they are in their own search for themselves. Um, but in the in the end, I think that's really what it is, is their own search for know thyself. And that can be that can be a deep adventure of, do I really want to go in and find the unknown? Do I want to know who I am? Most people are afraid of that. That unknown, whatever it is out there that really resides within them, in their souls, in their heart, in their being. Um, yeah. So my my job, if you will, if you want to say it's a job, my purpose really is to support them right where they are in seeking. Awarenesses or clarity or, you know, whatever it may be. And through their courageous willingness and with a sense of adventure, then we can they can find that nugget of gold that's hidden somewhere inside. Mm. Beautiful.

Daniel Aaron:
Well. Go ahead. You were going to say more?

Martha Jeffers:
Yeah, I was going to say one last thing about that is, um. Okay. For me, it's. Supporting the other. Be who they are. Because what I have discovered in my life is that the more I am being who I am, then I can do whatever it is that I want to do so that I can have that which I have longed to have. And most of us live from a place of doing and then being and then having, and really, it's the other way around. And so it's in that discovery who am I being? And whatever it is that I am, so that I can do that which will bring me joy and have whatever it is that I want.

Daniel Aaron:
Uh. That's great. I love that you brought that up. And it is such a common, uh, backwards misunderstanding that so many of us have or have had about having, doing, being in the order of events and the order of creation. So I've found that when when we really delve into and study the concept of being well, we can start to understand it, though for a lot of people it's a foreign concept, like, what are you what are you talking about? So in that, in that sort of reversing of the standard societal order, do you have a any examples, like for yourself of how you went from doing to being and how that shifted things for you?

Martha Jeffers:
You know, Daniel, I would say that I've had certainly through the work that I did through spiritual psychology, it brought my awareness to that place of who am I, what am I, what do I want to do? How would I want to be? But it became really acute for me in the last year and a half through the reading of a really great book. It's called um. The ultimate coach. And through that book. In reading about me, I have discovered more and more that who I want to be is through conscious awareness of how I want to be in life. So rather than being thinking that I'm going to do something. Um, naturally. Let's see. How can I explain it? Um, I'm consciously deciding how I want to be with myself as I go through my life. So an example. I can decide at any given time how I want to be with a situation. I can be angry and upset, or I can be consciously aware that I am feeling angry, upset, and how do I want to move through that situation? And then I can be or I am being. The person that is aware of my anger or upsetness. And then I can make a choice. So I'm not at reaction. I'm at action. I hope that makes sense.

Daniel Aaron:
It does. Well. And here I'll give you an example that I think fits this from my own life. And then I'm curious, one, to see if it resonates for you and and then to thinking about, well, how do we how might you help people to make that distinction and increase that awareness? But as you were speaking, I had this flashback to, gosh, it must have been ten years ago. I was living in Bali, in Indonesia, and so I was an expat, lived there a long time. I was moving out of one house that I'd rented for maybe two years, and I was moving into another house. And you know how it goes with moving out of a house, right? You do. You move all this stuff out and then you do the cleaning and then you find, oh, you know, the kids broke this and this is not get that fixed and that fixed and try and get everything right and hope that it's good. And the landlord's going to be happy with it. And you know, I went through all of that. Meanwhile you're like trying to set up the new house and move all this stuff. You know, it's a the reason they say it's a stressful time, right? So I'm doing all of that. And I think that I've done great with it all and really above board high integrity. So I go to the old house after we're all done. Right. The handyman had come in, the cleaners had come in everything, and I go there to meet the landlord. Um, and I get there, he's not happy, and he feels like I owe him more money. And I don't remember what the details were about it. Um, and I was. I just remember being, like, upset, like, come on, I did so much here, and and he was just very matter of fact, he was a Balinese guy. He was very matter of fact. And he's like, no, that's not right. And I was up, you know, and I was like, I just thought, I want to deal with it. So I'm like, fine. So I'm reaching my pocket and I pull out. I think it was the equivalent of like $500, which was the amount he thought I owed him. And and I went, I was like, okay, fine, take it. And he looked at me. This is one of my favorite moments. Um, he looked at me and he's like.

Martha Jeffers:
No. I was like, what do you mean, no?

Daniel Aaron:
He's like, no, I don't I don't want to take it if you're giving it to me with that energy.

Martha Jeffers:
Wow.

Daniel Aaron:
And. You know, and I don't know, like grace of God in that moment, I was like, oh, he's so right. And I remember in that moment saying to him, okay, hold on, give me a moment. And I close my eyes. We're standing there on the sidewalk in front of the house. I closed my eyes. Money is in my hand and I'm like. And I made the switch in my energy and I was like, you know what? I'm grateful I've lived in this house for two years. Um, I, uh, we have a different perspective. Um, I can give him this money. Why not? I'm happy to do it. And I shifted my energy and I handed it to him. That was the last time we ever spoke. Last time I ever saw him. But what amazed me about it is I. You know, of course, I learned theoretically about different states of being. And, um, yet in that moment, to be able to actually switch it, uh, kind of instantly really stayed with me somehow. So does that fit, do you think, what you're talking about?

Martha Jeffers:
Yeah. You know what comes forward for me? Can I tell you another story, please? So I made a decision through again through my work at the University of Santa Monica when I got my, uh, my master's, um, to do the Camino of Compostela, uh, which is known as the Camino. There's been a couple of movies on that, and it's walking from the French side of the Pyrenees in Spain, all the way across Spain. It's about 500 miles. And, um. So I'm on. I'm on the road. I have to. I'm in Pamplona and I'm taking. I took a train to Pamplona from Madrid, and I have to get to Saint John the Piat, which is on the other side of the Pyrenees. It's about probably a two hour drive. And. I arrived at the train station at around 10:00 at night. And everybody disembarks and I'm left alone on the platform. It's pouring rain. I don't know where to go. Um, most people are gone except for one car. And I approached the car to see if they could tell me if there was a hotel somewhere that I could stay. They asked where I wanted to go, and I told them. I asked them how I could get to a bus or another train. And after much conversation, the fellow said, I'll take you. And through a great deal of faith, I got in this car with a stranger in the middle of the night. Nowhere that I know. And we're driving to. We're driving to Saint John the pilot, and it's all downhill. I mean, there's winding hills, winding roads, pouring rain that you could barely see. And I remember panicking at the idea of where am I going? Who am I trusting? Will we make it down the road? Down the mountain? Is there a precipice? Um. The rain is pouring, and I remember all of a sudden getting this calm feeling all over my body saying. It's okay. Whatever happens is perfect. I choose to be in perfect calm right now, and that calm just lasted all the way until we got to where I needed to go. He was delightful. He was careful. He dropped me off, and I remember standing there thinking all I had was my backpack and that was it. And I made it through. So to your point, it's a decision. That's a decision that we have to make. That either. At that moment, I could have panicked. I could have cried. I could have created a scene, I could have asked all kinds of different things, but I chose a different route. And it gave me peace and it gave him peace. That ripple effect. Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, the the power that we all have one to be able to choose is you really nicely, uh, illuminated there and then the power to affect others through our choices. It's amazing. It's phenomenal. And. All right. I certainly, as a kid, didn't know that I had any kind of power over how I was feeling. I certainly didn't see it modeled around me. I saw, you know, something happens. People react, they get triggered. That's that's the way it goes. And and probably that's the way it is for most people that they're not aware that they can make that kind of choice. So, you know, it sounds like you've been on a journey with that for quite some time. By the way. Side note I used to live in Santiago de Compostela. Oh, you did Santiago. I think this is the third time that we've had conversations on this show about Santiago. I had a guest, um, Julia DeLuca Collins, a few weeks ago, who talked about her experience with the Camino and how important it was for her. Um, so you've been on this journey or, uh, un camino, a couple different kinds of roads for some time. What how how would you help somebody else? Or how do you help people? What would you advise for how people can be more conscious, more aware, more able to make that kind of choice about shifting who they are being, how they are being.

Martha Jeffers:
Oh. Daniel, that's a that's a deep conversation. That's a deep question because. It depends on each individual. So how do I help them? Depends on each individual, how open they are. You know, if I think of one particular client, she was ready. She was she had an open heart. She had reached a place in her life where she felt there was no return. There was something going on in her life that she just couldn't put her finger on. So when she and I first started to, uh, work together. Um, what came forward for her was the. Let's see how I would call it her. Um, her need to be perfect and everything that she did and her desire to get over that because it was holding her back in different ways, and the discovery of where that belief of perfectionism stemmed from. And she was willing, she was ready to crack that open no matter how difficult she felt it would be. And then I have another client that it's just very difficult. So I have to go very slowly with her. To support her right where she is. And. Baby steps. So. Um, the tools that we use for self-discovery through journaling. A lot of journaling. Um, the application of compassionate self-forgiveness that I teach. That I learned so at such a precious tool from USM. Um, the time to be alone. Allowing time for contemplation. Especially with this one woman whose perfectionism was so important, it was hard for her to find stillness. For her to be alone for two minutes was difficult. So. You know, we navigate through the processes that each person brings forward so that. Different tools are given to them at the right time. To internalize and put into practice, uh, for self-discovery. And. And also to strengthen whatever new behavior they want to exhibit. Mm. So it's not not the same. What would you call it? It's not the same tool for everyone. It depends on each. On each person.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. Beautiful. Well. And and I pause for a moment to give. Um. It's not exactly a commercial. It's for y'all in the audience, whether you're with us live or by rebroadcast. If you are not working with a coach at this point in your life or in whatever form, you know, somebody like Martha or me, that that is, you know, does it professionally or somebody that can encourage you, listen to you, help you to know the value of paying attention to yourself as you're speaking? Martha, I thought about when I lived in Spain. I was, uh, 29 years old. I was right at my Saturn return, and I remember getting a letter from my mother. This was just before we started using email and a handwritten long letter. It was like eight pages, and it was basically eight pages saying, Danny, when are you going to grow up? Because I was on I was on this like obsession with personal and spiritual development. And I just knew in my heart, in my bones, that there was nothing more important than me learning who I am, right? That that self mastery, self understanding, I knew it. I don't know if I could have really articulated it that well at that moment, but there's so much pressure in our society and our culture and to, to to do and achieve and be somebody. And, and there's still a lot of stigma about therapy or even coaching or slowing down or journaling or closing your eyes and meditating. Um, so I'm giving my emphatic encouragement to everybody that there's nothing more important than than knowing yourself. And, you know, there's that expression in, uh, that the Navy Seals use that slow is steady. Steady is fast. So to take the time to learn about oneself, to make that part of one's life, it's just so vital.

Martha Jeffers:
Um, it is Daniel. And, you know, here's the thing. Um, I think I told you earlier. I said it earlier. Perhaps I'll be 79 next month or in March. In April. Keep thinking it's March. Um. It's never ending. Mhm. It's just never ending. I've learned so much over the last couple of months at a much deeper level of my understanding of who I am. Um, not necessarily through adversity, but through success. Um, that has just left me in awe of the belief systems that we integrate in ourselves when we're very young, and how they play out in our lives and when they play out it. It's been a shock, if you will. And an opportunity to go, wow, that was a deep core belief that I've been holding on to. And through my coach, working through it to get to the other side and the aha. Oh I get it now gives me the opportunity again to go to choice to choose to be differently. Um, so it's a never ending learning experience. You know, the road is just continuing until the day that I close my eyes. Mhm.

Daniel Aaron:
So gosh, that opens up so many possibilities. Uh. Let's go here if you're willing, though you've been learning not recently, not necessarily through adversity, but through success. And so often we think about, well, it's it's the hard times that teach us. So what does that look like? Can you give us any more info on what's your what's been the learning through success. What does that look like?

Martha Jeffers:
Whew. That's a big. One. Um, so many. So I would say since October through my coaching practice just escalated. It's grown tremendously and it's beautiful and it's been financially abundant. And even this that I'm doing here with you is such a gift. And what I experience, what I guess I would call the imposter syndrome. One that I've I've navigated through in the past, but it really hit me hard this time. And when that happened, well before I recognized what it was, the. The up that I was experiencing the joy. All of a sudden I plummeted. And I became. Very introspective and sad. I wanted to hide, which was an old pattern of behavior. And through again through working with my coach this last few days, what came forward was this realization that you can also say, I hit the, what do we call it, the upper limits. Mm. And my nervous system was not used to it. And it's readjusting to a different way of being, a different opportunity. So the work is getting back into. The self-forgiveness and understanding that. I will call it. My little girl no longer has to rule or be afraid of expanding into a greater adventure than I have ever experienced. I understand now what it must be like for people in the arts. Let's say a singer or a performer of some kind who all of a sudden gets all these accolades and are. In the spotlight, and they haven't caught up with their nervous system yet and they go into depression. It's just all of a sudden made such sense to me. Um, yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
That's powerful. Well, and and I love that you are saying yes to the adventure and you're expanding yourself. And you brought up a concept that we speak about often on this show, and certainly is one of the biggest ones I've experienced in my own life. And so many clients. Imposter syndrome. Right. And, uh, people have different associations with that. What how would you define it? And, you know, what does it mean to you and how do you work with it?

Martha Jeffers:
Yeah. So I would define it as, um, who am I to be? Who am I to be doing these things? And it also comes in the tail end of comparison. So I'm around incredible coaches such as you, Daniel. Incredible coaches, incredible individuals who are doing so much in their lives. And what I recognized when this came forward for me is that comparison, comparing myself to them and not really acknowledging my own worth and my own abilities. Uh, that would bring me to where I am. And it was just. I think it was just a shock to my system to say, you know, Martha, you are worthy. It's time. It's time. And that that ability to just sit with myself and be patient with myself and have compassion for myself in the manner in which I hold compassion for another as they're going through their thing, their moments. Um. I don't know if I answered your question, but.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, you did beautifully. You know, part of what I got from you is that it's that that thought form that I know I have experienced many times. Who am I? Who am I to, you know, and immediately I think of the great, um, you know, statement, poem blurb from, um, Marianne, Marianne Williamson, uh, that has the line, you know, who are you to express the glory of God? I forget the exact words. And then, you know, she says, who are you not to be right? Who are you not to be talented, gorgeous, brilliant. Um, and and I also, you know, you spoke about comparison there, and I thought of this in a new way as you spoke about it, like you mentioned, having the tendency to compare yourself to these great coaches. But in fact, when we when any of us do that, we're actually not even comparing ourselves to them. We're comparing ourselves to our, our our fantasy of them, our image of them. Right? We don't even know what's really going on with, especially in the last ten years as the social media, um, culture has become such a big thing, who knows what's really going on in anybody? Um, so that. Yeah, I love what you said.

Martha Jeffers:
Yeah. And what I recognize is it was just an old pattern that came to visit again. They knocked on the door, the pattern knocked on the door and said, hey. And part of me saying, wait, what is it? Because I thought I had handled it and it came in a different color and a different format. And it was, oh, I get it, I get it. Thank you. Thank you so much for showing up because it's just deeper awareness of of standing in my own power as I help my, my clients as well to stand in their own power, in their own beauty and their own abilities. Uh, yeah. So I'm so grateful. So grateful for the experience. Wasn't easy, but I'm so grateful. Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, beautiful. And you've mentioned a couple times compassionate self-forgiveness and you've spoken about, uh, the Masters in spiritual psychology and the University of Santa Monica. And would you say more about what that is? Because I know for I'm familiar with it, though for some people in our audience, you know, what's a master's degree in spiritual psychology? Like? I know a master's degree in finance or a master's degree in psychology, but what is spiritual psychology? And, you know, what was your experience of it?

Martha Jeffers:
Well, there's definitely a very scientific definition that, um, what how I would describe it is psychology, the study of psychology, the masters in psychology with the ability to. Embrace. The soul. So it's the study of psychology and integrating the soul, how we can live from a soulful perspective and at the same time live logically. And I'm not doing it justice, but that's basically the essence of it for me. That we can learn all about our patterns of behavior, all the reasons why we are who we are. And spiritual psychology brings the heart and the soul into it, so that we can learn to live from that place as well. Which then in turn allows us to learn how to forgive ourselves. Because, uh, depending on your religious practice and mine is that there was a man whose name was Christ who died for our sins. Right. Who died for our sins? Who forgave us. However. Sometimes we hold ourselves hostage in that place of where we think we have aired. And even though I believe that I have been forgiven, I haven't forgiven myself for whatever infractions or errors or. What I consider, uh, inappropriate, whatever it may be. Um, it's my own self forgiveness. Um. I think that's one of the biggest gifts that I got from the university. Unfortunately, the university is now no longer our our beautiful teachers, doctors Ron and Mary Hellenic have now retired. And so with great sadness, we see the transition and the closure of the university. Mm. Um. Yeah. It's soul work.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful okay. So compassionate. Self forgiveness. I'm understanding more about it and getting how it's been important for you for what does that look like for for people in practice or you know, how do people know that? How would they know if they need that? And if they do, what would that look like and what difference would it make for them?

Martha Jeffers:
Yeah, well, we're judging all the time, aren't we? I mean, most of us will say, no, I don't judge, but really we are judging all the time. That's we're human. It's just who we are. And so what I was taught is that the judgments, when we hold judgments against somebody else, we're really holding judgments against ourselves. And how we can move through that. Is through compassionate self forgiveness. And in the perspective I mean. So hearted. Yeah compassion is self-forgiveness in that we can forgive the other and forgive ourselves as we judge them. So here's what it would look like. These are these are the words that we use that I use that we were taught. So let's say that I'm judging you, Daniel, for, let's say, your beard. Good choice. All right. So I would just be here saying, gee, you know, I wish Danny would shave his beard. I don't like his beard. What's what's going on with his beard? I would recognize the moment I recognize. I'm judging you. Then I would go into self-forgiveness and would go like this. I forgive myself for judging Daniel as having a beard. I forgive myself for judging Daniel as not the type of man that I would want to be with, with a beard. I think you see where I'm going.

Daniel Aaron:
So you're you're forgiving yourself for the for the act of judging.

Martha Jeffers:
Correct. I'm forgiving myself for the judgments I'm placing on myself or another. Well, so let.

Daniel Aaron:
Me interrupt you for a second then, because, yes, if we're honest, we're doing this all the time. And I remember working with Byron Katie many years ago, and one of her great expressions, she's like, okay, well, now when you do this work, don't be spiritual. Be honest instead. Right. And um, because there's that, that little halo effect that sometimes happens in the spiritual world where people are like, oh, I never judge. I love everybody unconditionally. Well, cool. But what about, you know, honesty, human part. Um, so but yeah. So we're judging all the time, um, you know, and as we evolve, hopefully the judgments become less and less pejorative and, and more discernment rather than negative judging. But just to make it really clear, if somebody is judging somebody else and it's not the first time somebody's judged me for my beard. Um, I.

Martha Jeffers:
Love your beard. By the way.

Daniel Aaron:
You're very kind. What's what's wrong with that, though? What's the negative impact? I mean, it's very commonly done. People are judging all the time. It's socially acceptable. It's socially condoned. What's the downside to it?

Martha Jeffers:
Well, the word that comes up for me is that it keeps us from love. Mm. It keeps us not only for loving ourselves, but for loving another for who they are. You may. I may not like someone, but I may love them for the human that they are, for the doing the best that they can for whatever, with whatever tools or whatever behaviors they have learned. And I can still love them as a human, as the soul that has come in to their experience. And so when I am in judgment, I'm in. It really keeps a barrier from me loving to the depth that I want to love. And I wouldn't you know that loving is it. You know, Daniel, if you were to put your hand on your heart and think of someone that you love deeply. And you come up with that person, you can feel it through your whole body, through your mind, through your spirit. That's the kind of loving that I'm speaking of for ourselves and for another. Which, when we're in judgment, it's difficult to. To align with. That's a. Medicine.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. Beautifully said. And that's really what. That's what we're all after, what we really want most, what feels most healing is to be able to be in that love. Right. And how how cool in our current era that we've got this mountain of research like Heartmath Institute and what they've put forward to actually demonstrate that. Evidentially. Um, okay, Martha, time is going by so quickly here. I got 428 other questions, but we'll have to, um, you know, get straight to it. One um, I'm sure some people are going to say, I want to find out more. I want to talk to Martha. I want to work with Martha. What's the best way for people to get in touch with you?

Martha Jeffers:
They can find me at Martha Jefferson Comm, my website.

Daniel Aaron:
Okay. And in case anybody's listening, rather than watching, uh, and there could be discrepancies about how one spells. That's m a r t h a Jeff j e f f e r s.com. Correct. Cool. And I believe you kindly and generously offered, uh, our audience a a gift. Is that true?

Martha Jeffers:
That is correct, yes.

Daniel Aaron:
Do you are you saying a word about what that gift is?

Martha Jeffers:
Yes. They'll have an opportunity to spend 60 minutes with me, I think is what we we mentioned. And, um. Yeah, let's, let's, let's dive in. Let's look at what you may want to create or what you're wanting to create and have yet to do it. And let's dive in. I'd love to sit across the table with you. We can do a zoom. And the best way is to go to Martha jefferson.com and schedule time with me. I'd love to see you.

Daniel Aaron:
Okay, so that's an incredible offer and I hope everybody is wise enough to take advantage of that. And if I'm hearing you right, just go to your website, Martha jeffers.com. And there's a way to schedule that there.

Martha Jeffers:
Correct. There's a button that you push to schedule an appointment, and then it'll lead you to a calendar and easy as that.

Daniel Aaron:
Technology. Amazing. I love it. All right, well, um, then I think we might be ready for the last question. The big question. Can I ask you the big question?

Martha Jeffers:
All right, I'm ready.

Daniel Aaron:
Okay, well, the good news is it's impossible. You can't get right because it's so big. Um, and you've got so much experience and wisdom. Uh, what I'm going to ask you to do is boil that down. So if you distill all your experience and wisdom and you were to advise our audience how to live a vibrant, thriving life, what do you say? What's the one thing?

Martha Jeffers:
Oh. Really? One thing. Okay. I guess I'll make it into a sentence. Be mindful of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual life. And broaden that to a level of fulfillment in in those four areas of your life.

Daniel Aaron:
Okay. Beautiful. So, um, be mindful of all those different parts and bring it together in your life.

Martha Jeffers:
Those four elements mental, physical, spiritual and emotional.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. I'm with you. There's there's really no no way to be vibrantly alive. If we're only attending to one or partial aspects of our being, we need to pay attention to all that's beautiful. Yeah, well, Martha, thank you so much for being with us. Um, you know, not only for being here and sharing this time with us, which is amazing and generous and kind of you, but also for your your courage and your depth of self inquiry, the work that you've done on yourself to make you so valuable and you're caring about people. Um, it's really a huge thing. And I'm so grateful that you were willing to share with us here.

Martha Jeffers:
Thank you. Daniel, this has been beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you for you and what you do.

Daniel Aaron:
You're very kind and very welcome. Thank you. Awesome. All right. And for all the audience. Holy moly. It's really all about you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being interested in creating your vibrant, thriving life. I encourage you, I implore you, I demand of you. I can't demand anything. But don't don't leave it there. Don't be just interested. Take a step. Do something more. Reach out to Martha. Reach out to me. Definitely take some of what you learned today and say, I'm going to put that into place in my life. And because you're worth it, you deserve it. And your life getting better not only helps your life shine makes a difference in the world. So y'all, thank you so much for tuning in. Please come back soon. We've got another amazing show starting really soon. And in the meantime, and always make your life a masterpiece. Aloha y'all! Mahalo for tuning in to the Art of Vibrant Living show, y'all! I'm Daniel Aaron and may you live with great vibrancy.

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