Special Guest Expert - Rachel Madorsky: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Rachel Madorsky: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Daniel Aaron:
What does it take to create a vibrant, thriving life? First, the sad news is that Thoreau was right. Most people are leading quiet lives of desperation, lacking in meaning, fulfillment, and vitality. But we choose more. We choose to create extraordinary lives and the art of vibrant living. Show entertains you with inspiration, empowerment and education to create your life into a masterpiece. It's time. Let's vibe up. Hey. Hello. Hi, y'all. Welcome to the show. I'm so glad you are here. Whether live or by rebroadcast, I am delighted and excited for today's show. We have an amazing guest. I'll tell you about her in a moment. First, though, the art of vibrant living. Why on earth did I name it that? Because there is no path to it other than your path to it. There's no right way it is. Yes, there is a science behind it. It's also an art. It's up to you. It's your birthright. And I would say even it is your duty to create your most vibrant, thriving life. So my request, I implore you today, please. Be entertained. Take in the stories. Nod your head and say, oh, that makes sense if it does, and commit to at least one thing that you get from today's show, you go, yeah, I'm going to put that into play. I'm going to try that out. I'm going to I'm going to put that into action in my life, because that's what really moves the needle on you, creating your most vibrant, thriving life. You're going to have so many opportunities for that today. Because our guest today is Rachel Madorsky. She is a speaker and executive coach, the best selling author of How to Love Yourself. In less than a Week and for the Rest of Your Life. She was named as one of the top 15 coaches in Austin. Her insights and teachings have been featured in Forbes, Psychology Today, CBS news, NBC, Ellen DeGeneres, The Learning Channel, and South by Southwest Interactive. And most of all, she is just an amazing, bright, loving woman who is here to share her experience with you all. Rachel, thank you so much for joining us.

Rachel Madorsky:
Thank you so much. What a sweet introduction, and I'm honored to be in this conversation with you. Thanks.

Daniel Aaron:
Oh well thank you. So obviously we're going to talk about how to love yourself. Right. Because that's you know, your book that is like running away. And I've loved it. It was amazing. Um, we'll definitely talk about that. And I think there might be just a couple people left in the world that still need to hear that message more. I'll put both hands up. I'm learning. Um, will you tell us, though, a little bit about how did you get to this point in terms of, you know, writing this book that's obviously so needed, but, you know, and being a coach and what you're up to in your life.

Rachel Madorsky:
Yes. I put both my hands up, too, by the way, I love that phrase, how we teach what we need to learn, you know, um. Yeah, I was a psychotherapist for 25 years. I've done tons of personal growth, all the things. And what I started noticing is no matter who I was working with. Couples businesses. I started to see that there was this core issue. Inside all of us. And it was this gap. And the gap was love. Like the love that we actually give toward ourselves. And the more we could close that gap and let all the generosity, good intentions, kindness, good thoughts that we sow work so hard to flow into the world. Flow here. Then everything begins to change. Our relationships change what we're able to create changes. And I was on a walk and I knew I wanted to write a book, and I thought, what is the message that I want to give to the world? Like what? What kind of legacy do I want to leave? What? What is the one thing I can say that could make a difference? And it's, hey, there's a love of your self is a real thing. You're allowed to do it. It isn't selfish, and it's easy and practical and fun. So I wrote the book. I doodled the pictures. I wanted it to be as light and easy and tangible as possible.

Daniel Aaron:
I love that. That's awesome. Beautiful. And so all right, let's just jump right into that because I think you brought you brought some pieces up. I don't know exactly, but I'm guessing that there are some myths about self love that get in the way for people. Would that be a fair way of saying it? And I feel like you probably teased some of those as you just spoke about it, um, if that makes sense. What are those myths and can we debunk them?

Rachel Madorsky:
Yes. Let's debunk uh, I think the biggest one is that it's selfish that putting any attention on yourself or working on yourself is selfish. And the most selfish of all is to love yourself. And even those of us who think that that might not be true, it still can stop us because there's a there's a judgment there or a belief there. So let's debunk that. And I think the simplest way is, uh, a quick story, maybe, and here's a fact check. The fact check is the more you love yourself, the more generous you will be, because we're we're naturally generous. And the story is, you know, when you're in a good mood, you usually like your partner more. Suddenly they're more attractive. Or when you're in a good mood, whatever is in the bank account feels a little bit better. Self love is similar. It's the more love is here, the more naturally flows out. The more we do things in loving ways, the less we feel resentful, overworked, over tired, the more alive we feel. There's. There's just nothing selfish about it. And the flip side is when all we're doing is giving, we're depleted. And the quality of what we give is nothing compared to the quality we give. When we're light is bright and we're giving from the overflow. Hope that helps. That's. What do you.

Daniel Aaron:
Think? Yeah. Well, absolutely. The the idea that it's selfish is is a popular one. Um, and I'm going to come back to that in a minute, though. You said something that that I think is interesting and useful, um, for people, because so many people in the world are focused on creating money. Right? Having more money, getting enough money, feeling like the money they have is enough. Right? And a buzz phrase that goes around success authors and abundance speakers is something along the lines of um, you get paid in proportion to how much you value yourself, right? And it's not a far leap from that to say your own level of self-love must have something to do with your quote net worth, not your ultimate worth, of course, because everybody's perfect in the eyes of the creator, but your net worth has something to do. Your income has something to do with the way you love yourself. Would that be fair to leap to?

Rachel Madorsky:
I love that leap. I mean, to me it's like a a little tiptoe. But yes, let's let's make the leap that the greater our self-worth, the greater the love here, the more money can flow in, just like the more good of anything can flow in. Um, I think we all have. I love Gay Hendricks book The Big Leap. Highly recommend. If someone hasn't read it yet, read it. I try to read it every year. It's it's so beautiful. But we all have a set point. Here's the theory. We all have a set point of how much good we feel like we're allowed to have. We're worthy of having, or we deserve to have. And this set point of good, you can call it love, you can call it relationship, you can call it your finances. And what happens is, is we get this certain amount of good and then we start feeling really uncomfortable because it stops feeling familiar. And we will actually, knowingly or unknowingly sabotage how much good we can have so that it matches our current identity. And so in order to have an identity that receives everything you want and more, to me the key ingredient is love.

Daniel Aaron:
That's great. And I got a big grin on my face because literally earlier today, I was speaking with one of my coaches and talking about how things had gone up for me recently, and I was like watching myself potentially having some sabotaging behaviors. Right. And so I'm aware of it. I'm looking at it and I was like, it's good to speak about with my coach. And he said, well, there's a great book called The Big Leap, which I've read like three times. And as I, as I as as he spoke about it earlier today, I was like, time for number four. So yes, I'm with you. Um, I love the synchronicity of it as well. So.

Rachel Madorsky:
Yeah. Can I jump in really fast? I always, I like to call it, uh, sabotage instead of sabotage. Lovingly and jokingly because. We can. We can get down on ourselves or judge ourselves when we do that. But really, the only thing that's happening is this mechanism of wanting to feel safe. We all need to experience love, safety and belonging. That's what we're all craving and creating the best we can at all times. And so sometimes to create our sense of love, safety or belonging will reduce the amount of good in our life. Mm. To belong, to feel safe or to be loved. And so it's actually a beautiful, radical, culture changing thing to give yourself everything you ever wanted in life and and more and begin to make that normal.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. Beautiful. I love that, and I'm with you. I. I have never been able to get behind the school of thought that says you got to destroy your ego, right? And because to me, it's like. It's there to keep us safe. Right? That's, you know, it's it's part of the package. Let's love on that part, too. It's doing its job.

Rachel Madorsky:
Um, I'm with you. That that always that always made it never made sense to me. We gotta love everything. And I don't mean that in a foo foo way, although I'm also happy to mean it in a foo foo way. But in a practical way, if there's a part of us that we're trying to destroy, then we're in conflict with ourselves. It it. The ego needs love to it. Thank goodness for the ego. I think of I mean, I don't know how I would have made it through some of the things I've made it through in my life without having some ego. Uh, I think make friends. Make friends with your ego, make friends with money, make friends with anything that you feel is a negative, and look for the innocence in it and the positive intention behind it. Because there's always a positive intention.

Daniel Aaron:
Always, always. I'm with you. All right. So you brought up the word practical there a moment ago. And so it's incumbent on me to say, since we're here now, how can anyone love themself in less than a week and for the rest of their life? How do you do that?

Rachel Madorsky:
Okay. Um, well, first, please get the book and get it for a friend. But I'm going to just also give you as many answers here as I can and feels fun to us. One thing is to actually ask yourself, what does loving yourself mean to you? Because we use the word love so much, and because we've probably heard the phrase love yourself so much, it can turn into just like, you know, a word that you say so much, it's lost its meaning. It's really important to get quiet and go inside and ask if I were to really like, if I really love myself fully, completely, unconditionally. What would be different. What would look different in my life. And we all have answers to that. Um, you know what? One thing I offer in the book this is a really easy, powerful exercise is to take a piece of paper and on the left, write down all the things you've been tolerating from big to small, and on the right, write down what you would love instead. And then that becomes your sacred to do list. That's like your that's your love myself to do list. And that's when it becomes practical. I wouldn't spend so much time with the people that drain my energy. What would I love? I'd only spend time with people who get me or love me, or see me, or talk about beautiful things, whatever it is. Um, another practical thing to loving yourself is recognizing what you're doing in order to get love. Sometimes we, many of us. I've been this way myself can be so busy, so easy to be busy, have so many things to like, do or should do. But if we slow that down, we see that what we're actually doing is we're overworking or being too busy or creating goals so that what? So that when I accomplish them, I'll be worthy of love. What if I love myself now and then? See? What of those things I still actually want to do? Those are a couple.

Daniel Aaron:
That's great. That all super practical and and I love the what are you tolerating list. That's a list I use myself and I always use when I start working with clients. And it's so like the way I grew up is the it's like the word tolerate would wasn't, wouldn't even be relevant here because there was just such a mindset of, well, they're just a bunch of things in life that suck, right? And that's the way it is. And get used to it, get over it. That's, you know, that was the mindset that I grew up with. That's what I saw around me. So the idea later on that came that came like, actually we get to create our lives. We get to choose what's in it. Um, that was really radical for me at the time. But I want to, uh, before I finish that step back, though, because your book, I almost never buy physical copies of books. I like electronic books, I love Kindle, I love having them all in the little thing. Your book, though, is so beautiful and so, uh, different than so many books. I love learning, I love books I read all the time, studied writing a lot. But it's, you know, there's a simplicity and a grace and a fun to your book that I said, okay, well, I like having my Kindle copy of it. I want physical copies also, so I can have it on our coffee table and give it to friends, because it's such a and so many people that, like, don't really read and then feel guilty about it, um, it's a book for them. They're like, I can succeed with this book, right? Because it's simple and small enough. And then there are pictures.

Rachel Madorsky:
Thank you so much for saying. I mean, that's me too. I mean, I, I would love to have a transformation in like 15 minutes or less. That was fun and enjoyable. I mean, who wouldn't? And I think that to me that's one of the joys of the book, but also a lesson in life that I'd love to share with all of us, which is we think it took so long to have whatever pains we have, whatever baggage we have, whatever issues we have. They're so intense. They've been here so long, and it took so long to get here that we think it's going to take that much time, that much hard work, that much intensity to unravel it and resolve it. And I'm so grateful to report back and say, that's total baloney, sausage. That's totally not true. Um. And what a gift. What a gift that we can have an actual change. An authentic change, not a fake it change like a real change in our life without suffering.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. Beautiful. Well, and the truth of it is. And I know what you mean. Like, I definitely have seen myself. Well, this is going to be so hard. This is going to be so hard. And building it all up and working on it and working on it, paying attention. And then when, when it does change, it happens in a moment, right? It just happens in an instant. And so often I think, why? Why was I suffering for all this time when I really all I had to do was look over here instead of look over here so that, you know, related to the great question like, well, if this were easy, what would it be? If this were joyous, what would I do? Go ahead.

Rachel Madorsky:
Well, I was just gonna say, I relate to this. And I actually think that one of the reasons why we slow down sometimes our own healing. And relief is because we're afraid. I mean, I'll speak for me. I've been there. I've had times where I was afraid if I felt better too quickly, or if this whole gigantic thing were to disappear, it would invalidate the pain that I felt, the seriousness of the situation. And. And all of that to me is about more love, more generosity, more grace with ourselves. We don't have to suffer any longer with anything. We can use tools, read books, get support, do personal growth courses, whatever it is. But know that it doesn't have to take a long time. It can be sweet. It can be fun. It can be light. It can be simple.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. Awesome. So you've mentioned a couple times like personal growth work and and I know we're connected in some communities that emphasize certain types of, uh, rituals we could say, or protocols. Uh, and you, you value your protocols if we say it that way. Right. Like, I don't know if working on oneself or investing in one's self or, um, clarifying you used at some point the, you know, 90% of what counts is what's going on in the inside as opposed to or in relationship to the actions we take. So what I guess the questions are, what do you do? What do you recommend? What's what do you feel about this idea of, uh, investing time in oneself on a daily basis?

Rachel Madorsky:
Such a big question. Um, such an important question. You are your most precious, valuable asset. And everything we want to create and already have created, whether we're aware of it or not. All. All is coming from here, inside our brain, our heart, our own consciousness, our own thoughts. And that's why I believe that 90% of everything we want to do, be, and have actually exists inside. It's about what we're doing inside and 10% the action we take on the outside. And for me, I love the word protocols. I don't know why that sounds so funny to me. Um, it sounds a little like medical, which I think is funny, but, um, they've changed over the years. But what what's been consistent is I have a pile of things I love to do that feed my soul, that grow me as a human. And some of those things are being outside in nature. Meditating, but I. But I'm not a long meditator. I meditate for three minutes at a time and it gets the job done and I get so much out of it. Sometimes I meditate for three minutes and meditation. I call just listen, and I sit outside and just literally listen to the sounds that I hear. And often a message will come in that will be really valuable. And then sometimes I set the timer again for another three minutes, and I meditate through visualization and imagine all the best cases, best case scenarios, existing, happening, coming to life. Um, I do a lot of work with the avatar course, which to me is probably the most profound set of tools on the planet. So three days a week, I talk to three different girlfriends. We coach each other. I love to read one page of an inspiring book. I like to take walks. I like to practice my silly kind of gratitude that I like to practice, and also in my book, and I use them all, there's like a whole chapter of things you can do in three minutes or less to cultivate more self love and goodness in your life. What's your face say right now?

Daniel Aaron:
What's my what's my face say right now?

Rachel Madorsky:
Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
Uh, what is my face say? Well, yes. I mean, I love everything that you said, and I love the level of, uh. I don't know the way I was hearing it. Maybe this is something I'm bringing to this, and also, I'll ask you about it, but the level of permission that you give yourself, which, I mean, it sounds like a weird formality to even say it that way. You're just doing the stuff that that feels good and you enjoy and and I know, and I, and I invest a lot of time in my daily rituals and I have for many years. And, and it's something that I encourage clients and students to do. Also, though, I hear oftentimes like, I don't have time for that or and, you know, I don't really often excuse me, I don't often hear the overt line of that would be selfish of me, though I hear it in other ways. And so I feel like that's what stops a lot of people from from really getting that, that magic and joy. Does that make sense?

Rachel Madorsky:
Yes. I mean, I was just I was listening to what you said and then re listening to what I said and I think I just want to clear something up. I like little spurts of things. I like things to be easy and fun and light. I've also invested. South over, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars in money and time on my own personal growth work and taking it seriously because I love to grow and I love to help other people grow. And I think I came here to do that, to grow and help others grow. And I will take weeks out of the year where I'm just doing a personal growth course, and the results of that are massive in the world. You know how how much I can help, what I'm able to create, how much money is able to come in. So I think it's both. It's like the willingness to take your happiness seriously, your own personal growth seriously. And also couple that with I love that you used the word permission. I think permission is huge, massive self permission for everything for the rest of your life. If you want it, you're allowed to have it. That's the end of the story. Permission granted.

Daniel Aaron:
Excellent. Well, the the woman who wrote the book on self-love has given permission. So, audience, you've got it. Now, um, you can listen to the recording as many times as you want. You've got it. So let's go a little further on this, though, because I'm. When we were speaking earlier, I had this flash of a memory. I haven't had a really long time when I was 28 years old, which was like 380 years ago, when I was 28 years old, I was living in Spain and and I'm into astrology, so I know that that was the my first Saturn return. And that's a, a time of for a lot of people, 2829 is like, what am I supposed to do with my life? And, you know, this pressure and and this was just before the internet became a thing. And I remember getting a letter, a handwritten letter from my mother that was like 12 pages long, and it was basically 12 pages of saying, Danny, when are you going to grow up and get a life right? When are you going to grow up and get a real job? And and the reason she was saying that was because some years earlier, I'd had what you could call a spiritual awakening, which left me in a place of like, whoa, I don't know anything about life or how to live in the world. Like, I need an education here. And then I got obsessed with personal and spiritual development. And so for the next many, many years, that's all I did. That's all I cared about. And so I didn't care about, like, going out in the world and getting a job as this or that. I cared about personal growth, spiritual growth more than anything. But I remember getting that letter from my mother and and being like, oh, am I being selfish? Am I doing something that I shouldn't be doing? Should I already be a lawyer or a doctor or something? Um, so what do you like? What more can you say? Or do you that comes to you around, um, people having that permission or why they don't have that permission?

Rachel Madorsky:
Okay, a few things, I hope I remember them all. One is, I want to say about your mom. Your mother who isn't alone. I'm sure she's not the first or the last mother to write that letter. Right. And what I feel when I hear that is. Oftentimes when someone else is insinuating selfishness or triggered by whatever we're doing, whether it's the personal growth work we're doing or how good our life might be in a particular moment. To me, it's a it's a pain signal. It's a, it's a signal that she. Is it giving herself permission to spend her life doing what she wants to do? And her self-judgment is being directed at you, but it isn't about you at all. And this is how we all do it, right? Like nothing is ever actually about us. It's always about the other person. And if we can see their innocence, we it can help us continue to be a loving stand for the thing we want, which is, in this case, to grow, to explore, to live a life on my own terms. On your own terms. Um, so that's the first thing I wanted to say about that. And I think the second is, you know, there's that beautiful quote from Marianne Williamson that is too long for me to recite in this moment. But the idea is that. We liberate people. We liberate others through our willingness to give ourselves what we want. Because every time we do, we're. Quietly without being loud or pushy, giving others permission to do the same. And in a world like the world is right now, it's really easy to get discouraged. It would be really easy, and it'd be really easy to create circles of connection, around pain, around suffering. And so I think it's really important to have compassion and love wherever there is suffering, and continue on our path of creating as much love and abundance and joy and goodness and ease as we possibly can. And one last thing, which is, I think our parents and their parents, you know, we come from generations of people who had to work really hard to survive. And I think we're it's time to catch up that for many of us, that isn't actually the case anymore.

Rachel Madorsky:
I think it's very challenging to be creative when we're in survival mode. But if we're if we don't need to be in survival mode, then it's like our duty to thrive and to. I love the name of your show to have a vibrant life. And no matter where we are, no matter what our circumstances, we can always give ourselves a little more love, a little more sweetness, a little more peace. And know that when we do that, we are expanding our ability to give that to others. It actually takes the attention off of ourself and onto the world and onto others when we're feeling loving. I feel like I just so boxed, but that's what I have to say.

Daniel Aaron:
Step, step on up any time you want. That was beautiful. I love all the of what you said and you know, and I'll guess, circle back to the story for a second. Because when I got that letter from my mother, you know, at first I was like, oh shit, am I being selfish and should I should I do something different? But, you know, it didn't take me very long actually, to say, no, she just doesn't understand. And just like you said, this is coming from her perspective. And and it's, you know, for me, even now, she's been, uh, she passed from her body many, many years ago, but it's still like there's a, there was there is a sadness of like, I don't think she ever really learned to love herself very well. Um, and so, you know, no matter what, love came from the outside, it was like coming into a bucket with holes in it. Right? And even symbolized by her heart problems. That happened later on. Um, so. And I took it just like you said. I was like, well, it's my responsibility in some way to make sure that I'm creating a vibrant life, right? That I'm enjoying my life. She whatever reason, she couldn't figure it out, couldn't do it in this lifetime. Hopefully she's going to get that sorted in the next lifetime. She's going to nail it. Um, so I, I love what you said and that and you know, the, the when we fill up, when we are joyous, for sure, we make a more positive impact on those around us. And we also know really clearly demonstrated the butterfly effect, the science of it. It affects the whole world even if we're not in contact with anyone. Yeah.

Rachel Madorsky:
100%. I'll even go so far. And to woo woo woo us right out of the ballpark here.

Daniel Aaron:
Perfect.

Rachel Madorsky:
And say, I like to hold the belief that everything we heal and move forward, we do it for the people before us. So even though your mother isn't in her physical body, I feel that we are healing or healing lineage lineages. I know I'm doing it for my grandmother. I know that I believe she's still around, even though she's not in her body like we don't. We don't know what's up with time. Time can go both directions. And, um, so I think you've given her a huge gift by saying yes to yourself and living a beautiful life.

Daniel Aaron:
Oh, well. Thank you. Uh. More permission. I'm getting so much of it. That's great. Um, and I will not be able to exactly pull up the reference right now, though. There's been a bunch of research done exactly on what you're speaking about, about how what we do now literally does change the past. Uh, I'm remembering Dean Radin's book called Real Magic, and there were some studies in there, which of course, are, you know, widely repressed in the mainstream science and media, yet like amazing stories and studies around how what we do literally changes the past. It's phenomenal. Um, and and perhaps and likely the future, of course. So you, um, you also mentioned. Beliefs in in what you were saying a moment ago. And, and I recalled the great title of Wayne Dyer's book, you'll you'll, you'll see it when you believe it. Right. Which goes against so much of the, the, the cultures that we came from or our lineages. Um, in the materialistic world, what, um, what's your what's your jam? When it comes to beliefs, I feel like this is an important realm for you.

Rachel Madorsky:
Um. Thanks for asking that. And thanks for saying that. What's my jam? Um. That. Beliefs are a thought we've practiced. And. It takes courage sometimes to practice a new belief. But it's so worth it. Um. Beliefs can be created and they can also be discredited. And the more we practice believing what we prefer, the more we get to experience what we prefer. I think that's the simplest way I could say it, but feel free to ask me anything. Yeah, yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
Thank you. Well, so I know that you you work mostly with women, a few great men, as you would say. Um, and you work with people that are effective in their, in their lives. Right? They're they're creators. They're powerful. Um, they're, you know, they've already created some success in their lives. Right? And that's part of why you are, you know, at an elite level as a coach. So how how does that show up for you, this, this conversation about beliefs when you're working with people or when you're working with yourself because you do that too?

Rachel Madorsky:
Yeah. I think the one that jumps out right now is when I'm working with. Really powerful people as we all are, but working with really powerful people who are still. Or on the cusp of holding the belief that it has to be hard, that it requires hard work. And that our worth and our value is connected to how hard we're working. Lie to me. Those dense beliefs. I are a lot of fun for me because I love helping people break those rules and discover for themself what's true. I would so rather someone think like, here's something I'm saying and say that sounds absolutely crazy. But also I'm curious and I'd like it to be true. So I try it and then get a win. So, um, yeah. And part of how we work on that belief is on the inside and the outside. So the inner game is, what would you love to believe instead, if the current belief is it has to be hard and take a long time, what would you love to believe? Well, what someone might love to believe is that it can be easy and fun. Great. And that might sound like total baloney, but the first step is practicing believing it. I'd like to believe that it could be easy and fun. Okay, great. So now we can go to an action. How could we make what you're currently doing just a little bit more easy and fun? What would that look like? We just start taking little actions and just like a plane or a boat, if you move just 2% off the path, you will change the trajectory of where you're going onto a whole new continent. And that's that's what it's like with beliefs. Sometimes the actions are big and sometimes it can be really small, perfectly placed actions in the direction of our dreams.

Daniel Aaron:
Awesome. So are you saying that we don't necessarily have to kill ourselves with hard work?

Rachel Madorsky:
I sure am, Daniel. That's exactly what I'm saying. In fact, one of the you know, you have such a beautiful process for your show and you give so many sample possible questions. And I think one of them, if I'm remembering correctly, was something like a challenge you went through and how you overcame it. Or, you know, a question like that. And I remember thinking, you know, I imagine when people answer that question that we've all been through horrendous challenges in our life. I mean, being a human can be really challenging, but the one that occurred to me that I'd like to share now that fits with what we're talking about is when I wrote this book, like when I wrote this book, this guy right here, look how thin it is. Okay, so I wrote this book. I had the best time writing the book. The idea for the book came on a walk. It all came all at once. I it was just such a pleasure. In fact, there was one moment, one moment where it was like a little bit tough was on these doodles. I was making all these drawings and these are like really interesting concepts. And I remember thinking, I don't know how to have doodles for all these concepts. Maybe I just won't do the doodle part. The message is good enough. And then I clearly got this message. Now the doodles drawings are important. Just try. So I tried and they all came out. That was the hardest thing about the whole book. And then the book came out and it was so beautiful. Okay. So easy, fun, wonderful. And it's so easy to read and it's so light and all this lightness and ease. And what started happening is that I got afraid that if it was that easy to create, it would not be valuable, that the value and the power of the message would be equal to the effort. Which is, I think, something that we all do. Right. It has to have require hard work. The value is measured by how much you sacrificed. And a whole new paradigm became available to me, which is what if the value of something is just the value it provides? And not how hard we worked and not how long it took to get there.

Daniel Aaron:
Well. That's awesome. Beautiful.

Rachel Madorsky:
And so and also to answer your question, so what if we can create multi-million dollar companies with massive customer satisfaction or whatever it is you're trying to create with incredible ease and freedom and peace and love? It's a whole new paradigm. And all we have to do is start with, I'm. I'm willing to believe that. I'm willing to believe that that's possible. I'd like to take one action in that direction. And then let's let's see.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. Beautiful, I love that. Uh, there's there are so many phrases that are, like, just widely accepted, like, you get out of something what you put into it. Right. And, and I'm not sure that's incompatible with what you're saying it might be. Just. Do you have a thought on that already?

Rachel Madorsky:
I'm just agreeing with you. First of all, I want to say, like, probably everything has a paradox. So it's not like this is the only way. But also when you say what you put into it, I'm thinking, yeah, like I would put in my love. I would put in my enthusiasm, I put in my excitement. But I'm not going to put in anything that I don't want to put in. Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
They are beautiful. Well and that that question I think. Of like, okay, what was a hard time in your life? What's something that you overcame? I think part of why we tend to Revere that question, a lot of us, is because when we are in struggles and when things are hard, it's helpful to then know that, okay, this is for something. I'm going to move through this and create something, um, that there'll be lessons. But I remember one of my teachers years ago, I was living at a at a, um, therapy center, and just before we had a new workshop coming up every weekend, it was like a new thing we were doing. And our main leader would say, well, this weekend's going to be amazing. And then you tell us about it. Then she'd say, either you're going to love it or you're going to learn a lot. And and I remember at the time I was like, okay, that's cool. You know, win win. Either way, it's going to be good. But then later on, when I started leading more groups myself, I remember her saying that I was like, either you're going to love it or you're going to learn a lot or both, right? Because that's like, I would rather believe in that possibility that we don't have to learn everything through struggle and pain, that some things can be just fun. I mean, if if we have struggle, if we have pain, okay, well, let's focus on what we're learning from it, you know, um, but we don't have to go looking for ants at the picnic either.

Rachel Madorsky:
Exactly. That's exactly right. And the more we do that, the more opportunities we will see and create to learn through loving something. Our minds like to be right. So what happens is, is whatever we believe or think is true, our mind will start collecting evidence for how it's true. So if we think something has to be hard in order to have value or in order to learn a lesson from it, we're going to be sucking that up like one of those like, things at the beach, like a metal detector. I know you know this, you know. But what's so great is that the opposite is also true. I want to learn how to make as much money as I can, being as loving as I can, growing as much as I can, having the best time that I can. I want to learn my lessons through love and peace and joy. Whatever it is that you want to believe.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. Yes, I'm with you. Okay. So. Since you brought up money there again. And I know that that's a controversial, important topic for a lot of people. Um, what what more would you say? Like, because I've heard you speak about the way your own income has increased in other channels. Uh, and, you know, again, I know so many people struggle with that on either side, struggle with, like, I don't have enough or I have enough, but I don't feel like I have enough or I don't deserve it. Like there's all kinds of trips around money, you know, some would say it's sex and money are the two biggest things that trip up human beings. So what else would you say in terms of helping people get a little bit more freedom around the money conversation?

Rachel Madorsky:
Yes. The first thing that occurs to me that I just want to share is that there was a time where I was $80,000 in debt. And the thing that turned that whole experience around for me was, um, a colleague and coach friend of mine, Carrie Peters, who's an amazing woman, um, with Health Coach Institute. Highly recommend that training for coaches that want to become powerful coaches. Um, she invited me to imagine appreciating. The debt. So first I thought she was cuckoo. How could I appreciate the debt? But she had done this for herself, and she had shared this. And I did it for myself, which is just that. I just began to appreciate all the things that that money gave me. Whether it was personal growth or I mean, for me, a lot of it was personal growth. For some people, it might be medical bills or fancy purses. Who cares where the debt came from? But to just shift from shame around the debt to appreciation for all that I received from those things all that money gave me. And as soon as we begin to soften wherever there's a glitch around money, more money can flow and more ideas about how to receive more money can flow. And that's what happened to me. I've been debt free for a long time and that was the turning point. So on all of that is to say, make friends with money. Stop making money a problem or an enemy. We can make a lot of money, or have not a lot of money where a lot to feel good and worthy, regardless of what our bank account says. And you're allowed to make a lot of money, go do that too.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. Beautifully said. I remember in my own journey around money, I grew up lower. Lower middle class family money was always a big stress argument. There was never enough. And then. In my early 20s. I remember literally in this blows me away at the time, thinking and speaking out. Money is dirty, right? And I didn't want to carry it with me in my pocket. I would carry it in a bag because I wanted to disassociate myself from it. Right. And I look at back down, I'm like, wow, huh. Amazing. You were able to live, you know, with that mindset at the at that time. And then I came across a spiritual abundance program that took me into my beliefs. And of course, like that was early on for me. I didn't know there was something called beliefs. I just knew things as that's the way it is. Um, and it changed everything for me. And, you know, going back to what you said about. Um, Gay Hendricks book, the The Big Leap. Right? He talks about these upper limits, right. That we get to this point. Um, so. Are you suggesting that people don't necessarily have to have an upper limit in terms of their income or their enjoyment or their appreciation of of money?

Rachel Madorsky:
Yes, I'm suggesting it and I'm claiming it and I'm saying it that. Anywhere we sense an upper limit. There's just a little bit of inner work to do in order for our nervous system to make it feel comfortable or normal or familiar, to have it that good. And if money feels like a touchy subject, then it's worth doing work on the beliefs. But the good news is, is that everything is connected. So if money feels a little too touchy, just move it over to feeling good. Just move it over. How much good are you allowed to feel? How much free time are you allowed to have? How much? How easy are allowed to have it? Practice some kind of abundance anywhere and it's all connected. I also there's this thing out there like I can't remember the quote, but like, yeah, money is the root of all evil or don't love money. And even there's a lot of spiritual teachers, I think, like even teachers that teach abundance, that say, don't love money. And I just think that's so silly. Love everything, love everything you like. Money is a tool for your freedom, for your generosity, for your happiness. And I was thinking the other day to how, you know, they say. Money can't buy you love. But love can buy you money and happiness. You can't like money can't buy you happiness, but happiness can buy you money. Be happy and the money will come. Be loving towards yourself and you will do things that are so generous and fun and wonderful that money will be knocking on your door. That's it's it's the way it is. Oh, one other thing is this beautiful passage from the Talmud, which is, um, a spiritual text, and it basically goes like this. Money is like rain. When rain falls on weeds. Weeds grow. And when rain falls on flowers, flowers grow. So your flower.

Daniel Aaron:
I love that. That's beautiful. There's a couple of things quotations come to mind for me, right? One is that anybody who says money can't buy happiness hasn't given enough away.

Rachel Madorsky:
Mhm.

Daniel Aaron:
Right. And the other is and I might be paraphrasing this one, there's nothing sadder than a broke philanthropist. Right. And I think of that. And you, you, you took us over to the edge of woo woo earlier. And a lot of the people that I've worked with in my life are people that tend toward the woo side of things. Um, and I've used the phrase before, spiritual entrepreneur is my ideal client. And to me that broke philanthropist thing shows up really well when people that have big hearts and great visions and values that that really, genuinely help the world but can't get by doing the work, that means something to them, and they're working some job that they don't really want to be working that that's as sad as a broke philanthropist, right? That's somebody with a big heart and big vision, not able to pour their love into the world. And that's a shame.

Rachel Madorsky:
Yeah. It's so painful because that person isn't taking good care of themselves and we're all connected. So. So what are they really giving? What are they really teaching? I mean, I so feel for that. I mean, I think we all have that cultural indoctrinated stuff, which is why I think it's so powerful to start breaking all these rules. You can be loving and generous and wealthy all at the same time. And I think a really powerful question to ask yourself, especially if you're in a place where either you're struggling with money or you're okay, but you would love to make more is to ask, what's the bad thing that could happen if I made a lot of money? There's always an answer, and the answer will show you what needs some attention and give that thing some healing and attention and let the money flow. And for me, this is really private and personal. So since it's just us, I'll share with you. And I used to have a belief inside that when I answered that question, when I asked myself, what's the bad thing that could happen if I made a lot of money? And the truth is, the answer that came is I would have to give it to my mom. And where that came from is when I was growing up, and I loved my mom so much, and I still love my mom so much. She was really suffering. She suffered with addiction and depression and I gave, gave, gave and she never actually got healed or happy. And so there was this, like, guilt thing and this guilt thing and all this, like, work to do. But the but the sentence was the bad thing that could happen is I'd have to give it to my mom. And what I saw inside of that was some belief about that love has no boundaries. That if you love someone, there's no no in the space. So the remedy for that was, I guess I just won't love that much in order to not have to suffer by saying no. Just all the like, machinations and material that we have inside of us. Um. And I remember I was sitting with Steve Hardison.

Rachel Madorsky:
We were talking about it. And the thing about Steve. Okay, side note about how powerful Steve is. I believe Steve's power doesn't just come from how loving he is. I really think the other 50% is his integrity. Also, money likes integrity. But integrity. Is what gives someone's words power. You don't even have to know whether they're in integrity or not. It's like it's not something, you know, it's just a power that fuels a person. Which is also why I feel for entrepreneurs and spiritual entrepreneurs and all of us as coaches, that it's actually our integrity, it's our responsibility to have an awesome life behind the scenes. If my behind the scenes isn't as beautiful and wonderful as my in front of the scenes, then those are like the gaps where I'm out of integrity and that's really worth cleaning that up because your power lives in the integrity. Okay, so cut to having conversation with Steve and suddenly making more money and somehow that whole thing. Almost like magic got healed. And now, not only do I have more money than I've ever had in my life, but I have an account in a bank that literally has my mom's picture as an icon on one of the accounts, and it's literally just money for my mom. And it's the best feeling. And it's not just the best feeling. You and I were actually talking about this before we talked. The best feeling isn't just that the money's there. The best feeling is the healing is that it's there coming from love. It's not there for obligation. It's not there for a should or a sacrifice. It's there because of the love. And anything we do from love or for love multiplies for us and the receiver.

Daniel Aaron:
Wow. That's beautiful. Thank you. What? And what? What a, um. What a full circle, beautiful process you had, right? Which points to a few things one. The power of questions. Right? Um, to say what bad thing would happen, right. And and uh, in some ways it's easy to see the behaviors, like if we go back to, um, the big leap and, uh, and, uh, what was your upgrade? The language upgrade. Safe Taj's.

Rachel Madorsky:
Safe Taj.

Daniel Aaron:
Safety. Taj. Right. Like the behaviors that might keep us safe or keep us from what we part of us wants, right? We those are easier to see. But then if we lay and if we layer on the question of like, well, what am I afraid would happen? What's the bad thing out there? Then we engage a deeper wisdom, right? And it sounds like that was a beautiful part of the process for you to come to us and have to give it to my mother. Right. And then that evolved into, oh, I get to give this to my mother. Um, and so that begs the question for me, what's how's it been the process with her around these things, if that's okay?

Rachel Madorsky:
Yeah, of. Course it's been amazing. You just reminded me something I hope I, I hope I remember it with my. The more work I do on me, the more amazing that relationship is. Every time I go to like an avatar course or do some big, deep personal growth work immediately, I it's always an upgrade. And how I view my mom and everybody else and we're if you want to talk creating language or Steve or JP, it's like we're creating each other all the time. But how we are creating each other is through how we are viewing each other, the thoughts we think and the way we're seeing somebody. And if we aren't feeling, if we aren't seeing ourselves with that much love, there is no way we can actually change our viewpoint about someone else. And this is the thing I wanted to say. Even though a lot of it is soft and fun and sweet and light. I think if there's one like a little bit serious part about loving ourselves, it's this. If we don't fill our own mind with love and self acceptance, we actually won't be able to see the things that are in our way because it would be too painful to see them. We don't want to see any parts of ourselves that aren't like, amazing. So in order to see something like a thought like, oh, I'd have to give that to my mother. There has to be enough self love and acceptance there in order to look. So again, just further evidence for why it's. The opposite of selfish. It's so responsible. It's so generous to have enough love here to be able to see what else is actually there.

Daniel Aaron:
That's beautiful, I love it. Well. And then. And then to me, it points to the question like, wow, what? What would life on planet Earth be like if everybody was full to the brim with self love? Right. Which maybe that's maybe that's your big mission or a part of your big mission on the planet. Which leads me then to say, I'm sure people will want to learn more about Rachel, and hopefully they've already ordered dozens of books. That would be the wise thing to do. Um, but what else if for people that are curious or want to connect with you more, what's the best way you can?

Rachel Madorsky:
Visit my website, which is Rachel madorsky.com. I have a very sweet newsletter called Love Notes for Your Life, which it just comes out twice a month and it gives you tips on business and money and love and read the book. Share the book. The mission with the book is to sell and share a million copies and have a million people feel more loved. A portion of the proceeds go to charities that support women and children and health and well-being around the planet. And I do believe we have more love. More love always for yourself will result in more love for the world. And that's how we stop fighting each other is stop fighting ourselves.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. All right, well, then that brings me to the last final question. Because we're about out of time. Um, it's the big question. It's the ridiculous question. You can't get it right. Because although this might be easier for you than anybody so far, if you were to boil down all of your experience and wisdom into one thing to say to help people to live their most vibrant, thriving life, what's the one thing?

Rachel Madorsky:
Say yes to yourself. More. More love for you. Always.

Daniel Aaron:
That's great. Say yes to yourself. More and more love. Always awesome. Rachel, thank you so much for not just for this time, which I really appreciate. That's a gift, but also for for the journey you've been on and all the work you've done on yourself, and learning to love yourself and teach the rest of us how to do it. And I know you're continuing to learn as well, and I got that before. So thank you for all of that. It's it's really it's such a gift for you to be here. Thank you.

Rachel Madorsky:
Thank you so much. What an amazing conversation that you led. Thank you.

Daniel Aaron:
Are a total. Pleasure. And for y'all in the audience again please. You got so many practical tips today. Don't just say yeah, yeah, yeah that's cool. Apply it. Do something. Love yourself more. Find one of the ways. Make your list. Whatever it is. Thank you all for joining, for being interested in creating your vibrant, thriving life to the next level. I really appreciate it. And until I see you again, please make your life a masterpiece. Aloha y'all! Mahalo for tuning in to the Art of Vibrant Living show, y'all! I'm Daniel Aaron and may you live with great vibrancy.

Sonix is the world’s most advanced automated transcription, translation, and subtitling platform. Fast, accurate, and affordable.

Automatically convert your mp4 files to text (txt file), Microsoft Word (docx file), and SubRip Subtitle (srt file) in minutes.

Sonix has many features that you'd love including world-class support, transcribe multiple languages, automated translation, enterprise-grade admin tools, and easily transcribe your Zoom meetings. Try Sonix for free today.