Special Guest Expert - Stephanie Beeby: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Stephanie Beeby: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Daniel Aaron:
Does it take to create a vibrant, thriving life? First, the sad news is that Thoreau was right. Most people are leading quiet lives of desperation, lacking in meaning, fulfillment, and vitality. But we choose more. We choose to create extraordinary lives and the art of vibrant living. Show entertains you with inspiration, empowerment and education to create your life into a masterpiece. It's time. Let's vibe up. Aloha, y'all. Welcome to the show. I am Daniel Aaron, your host. It is the Art of Vibrant Living show, and I got a sneaky feeling that today's show is going to be extraordinary. They're all good, right? Every time I speak with someone in this, in this realm, it's amazing, right? And the show is all about you living your most vibrant, thriving life. So here's my suggestion and request. It is this don't just be entertained. Don't just take in the information and the stories. That's all good. Make a commitment though that you will do something about it. Focus on yourself. Take away from this show today at least one thing you say, yeah, I'm going to apply that. I'm going to try that out. I'm going to put that into place in my life somehow. That's where the rubber meets the road. So today's show I'm really excited about Phenomenal Woman is our guest, Stephanie Bibby, intuitive strategist and leadership coach. Right. She's also living in Hawaii. She's got a background in organizational consulting psychology with 20 years of coaching experience. She's the founder of flow CEO consulting. She's got a foot in multiple worlds and has some powerful stuff to share with us. Super excited to have her with us. Stephanie, thank you for joining us. Yay!

Stephanie Beeby:
Yes yes yes. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. Daniel, I had no idea that we're combining Maui and Big Island energy today, so I love that.

Daniel Aaron:
Exactly. Yes, it's a it's a Hawaii show today and that doesn't happen that often, so. Well, I'm, um I'm delighted for our audience to get to know you. Um, because you've, you've got a really interesting background and combination of components that make you who you are, um, all, you know, filtered into this great, amazing authenticity. Um, and one of my premises for this show and for all of my work is that everybody has a unique purpose. Uh, call it a dharma, a ikigai. And the more any of us can, can trust ourselves, be authentic to ourselves, the more everything in our lives, lives, works. And we've known each other just a little while. I see that you are a luminary in that regard. So would you be up for just giving a little bit of the background, though, for folks that don't know you, you know, how did you how did you get to be doing the work you're doing now?

Stephanie Beeby:
Yeah. You know, isn't it. It's looking back. You can kind of see where the dots were. Um, you know, ultimately I have always been very passionate about people and growing. And how do we produce a world where people are authentically connected? And also knowing that you, who you are makes a difference? Like I've always been passionate about that. Like how you show up makes a difference. Like I've never been that person that's been on the sidelines like looking and watching other people. I've kind of just always jumped in and said, how can I help? What can I do, you know, and what does that really mean? And so for me, I went to, you know, I went to college thinking I wanted to be a teacher, an elementary school teacher, and recognizing really quickly that that wasn't a that just wasn't a goal. It just didn't feel like it was fulfilling enough for me. Um, and so what I ended up doing is studying psychology, but in business. So consulting psychology and, and I got into business and, and in that realm, you start coaching and you start doing leadership stuff and you start doing dealing with conflict, and you start seeing how people spend so much of their life in a work setting, and they don't always get to be who they need to be. Right. And so that's where I just really got passionate about. How do we develop leaders in a way that get to be connected to themselves, that create really healthy work environments where people get to thrive so that they get to bring their energy to other parts of their life, too. Um, and so that's what I'm passionate about. I'm passionate about people staying connected to themselves, staying connected to their gut instinct, their intuition, their their intuitive nature, as well as being, you know, showing up, knowing you matter, showing up, like with your, you know, your smarts and your talents and all of those other things. So it's really about that authentic expression and how we get to do that in a majority of our life, not just in the minority. Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. Well, and I'm with you. The statistics around employee engagement, if we put it that way, just the way most people feel in their jobs, it's staggeringly horrific, right? Like so. And and yeah, like you said, most people are spending most of their lives doing stuff that they don't feel connected with. That's not inspiring to them that they complain about. Oh, I feel sad and tired just saying that. I mean, that's like the opposite of vibrant living. So. You've mentioned intuition, and I was thinking about this before. Before the show, you know, learning a little bit about you and understanding. Okay. So here's the word CEO over here. Leadership development strategy over here, intuition over here. And as I was thinking, I was like, oh, this is going to be interesting because, you know, I don't typically think, okay, well CEOs are not into developing their intuition. And then I realized, like, I don't think that's true. And I maybe, maybe once it was more true that there was more of a, you know, sort of a CEO corporate skepticism toward the woo woo world. But a lot of that's changed, right? So how does that all combine for you in your experience? Well, you.

Stephanie Beeby:
Know, what's so interesting is that I, I, I think there's always been those leaders that believed in, um, you know, that believed in the, the invisible per se, right to the naked eye kind of idea. Like you couldn't see it with just regular eyes. Um, at the same time, I, I was in a grad school program that was dealing with heart math. I don't know if you know their studies. Sure, but I was I was a part of a program where we were working with high level CEOs and horses and heart math. And so it was always pretty progressive. And what I found is that even though we thought these leaders were not like were closed minded to this, a lot of them aren't. They just kept it secret like it wasn't so obvious. Right. Like it was more of like, this is my secret weapon. I had lots of CEOs that said, I have Stephanie, you're my team and you're my secret weapon. Like they. Which doesn't help a business, by the way. Like when you're like, ah, I can't be secret and build my business. But but I did see that a lot where people were just like, I need your vibe on this. I need you to tune in. And I would be able to tune in and see things and ask questions that help the CEO get clear on the choices they need to make. So I wasn't making the choices for them. I was just able to see beyond things that they couldn't see, to then give them information and ask them questions for them to get clear. And so that was where I was kind of like the secret weapon. And then I started to say, well, I think you can do this too. And so what does that look like to develop that instinct? And how does it show up for you? And I think that we can stop it, but I think we all have it right. So I think we're innately born with a gift to to sense that sixth sense, whether it's your gut instinct, your knowing, your vibe, check whatever you want to call it, we all have it. But the difference is, is how trusting are we with it? Mm. So if you trust it, you can use it. If you don't trust it then you're going to have it, but you're not going to use it as information that actually is going to benefit your life. Right. So we're really talking about trusting of the gift, not necessarily having the gift. I think everyone has it. But how trusting are you with it is what we're talking about.

Daniel Aaron:
Got it. Yeah. It makes sense. Well, and you know something I never occurred to me before as you're speaking, is leadership, just by definition involves being acquainted with and investing in the unseen. Right. Because it's we're going into the unknown. And on some level, every leader is saying, I believe so much in this thing that nobody can see yet that I'm going to encourage you and bring you with me here if you're up for it. Right?

Stephanie Beeby:
Yeah, yeah. Like the vision, right? Like they see a vision first they get inspired to bring, you know, to develop something that hasn't been developed before. And then they have to enroll people to believe in that vision that isn't there yet. Right. And so absolutely, like I think that that they go together I think that leadership is so key, um, to how you show up. And I think we're all leaders. Like, my question is, where are you leading? Are you leading in your life? Are you leading in your work? And it doesn't mean at the top. I think some people always think of, oh, leaders are the top, but I believe you can lead from any direction or any place. Like, you know, I led when I was in fifth grade, I mean, right, like in fifth grade, I had some ideas and I led them. I in high school we didn't have a blood drive. And there was this girl that needed, you know, a blood transfusion. And we we were low on her blood. And I gathered the troops of our high school and started a blood drive. And I hated needles. This wasn't about me. But you know what? I was the first to do it. I screamed and fainted, by the way. But at the same time, I still did it. I started it and it still runs today. And. And so, you know, I don't believe that you have to wait for the initiation to be a leader. I think you need to say, where can I lead? Where can I make a difference and show up and do that? You know, so many people have these brilliant ideas. They just don't know what to do. Well, just what would you do if you wanted to? If you believed in yourself, what would you do if it was your best friend's idea? What would you do if it was your kid's idea? How would you develop it? Like get help? You don't have to do this alone. We're not talking about doing this in a silo. But I'm telling you, I believe we're all leaders. And I believe that when you tap into that inner leadership, it changes the way you show up in your life.

Daniel Aaron:
Wow. Okay, I like it. Um, so I, I got a question here, but I'll preface it this way. I stumbled into leadership, and, um. And I said, okay, I got a vision. I want to do this. And, and, you know, this was going back 20 years. Okay? I want to lead. I'm going to lead retreats, okay? We're going to lead trainings. We're going to get people together. And and it was just because I was like, I know that this is powerful. This is cool. This good stuff's going to happen if we do this, you know? And then in short order, I'm like, wow, there's a whole bunch of people that are counting on me. And then, wow, I've got staff that's counting on me. And and I was like, wow, I'm in a leadership position. Maybe I better learn something about what that means so that I did what I usually do, which is get obsessed with learning. And I read and took courses and listened to audiobooks and all that. And I came across a quotation, you know, a lot of it was common, you know, common stuff. No, no, no, nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Okay. Well, you know, that's not rocket surgery. I can get with that. But one thing that came across that really like I had to read it three times and it said as, uh, your leadership ability is the glass ceiling on your happiness and your success. Um. And what I like. Okay. I thought, okay, success. You know, I mean, I can kind of get with that because. Sure. I mean, you know, go go fast or go far, you know, depends on, you know, what you want to create and you need people but happiness. So that's a long winded way of saying what what's your experience? What do you think is the relationship between leadership and happiness?

Stephanie Beeby:
Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, to be honest, I think happiness is I think we've we've heard a lot about happiness and what happiness is. And you'll take any word and you can say what makes you know what is happiness to you. And each person is going to have their own little variety of or flavor of that interpretation. I ultimately don't think that's what we're looking for. I think we're looking for authenticity. I truly believe that happy when we say we want happiness. I think we're saying we want to be authentic in our lives. We want to be connected to ourselves. We want to be able to bring all of ourselves into the majority of our lives. So if we think of happiness as our authentic expression, like it's it's related, like I'm most happy when I'm being most of me. Right. And I think the difference is, is that if we look at it through that lens, like, how authentic am I being and what conditions are in the way of me being authentically expressed? Right. Because we get conditioned and that's part of it, right? Like so part of this inner leadership piece is like looking and examining, where have I been conditioned outside to to not be a leader? Where have I conditioned myself to not trust my my intuition? Where have I conditioned myself to or believed aka believes somebody outside of me instead of what really within me? Right? Where's the permission I need to grant? So if we look at happiness more as an authentic expression and that becomes the meter, you know, for success, if that, I mean, literally like if you I believe at the end of the day, if you can say how authentic was I? And I'm going to be honest, if you're hitting that 80, 90%, I was super authentic today. Like I was real with myself, even if it means I had a bad day. But the difference is, is I didn't lie to myself about the bad day. Today was hard. And we can do hard things. But what happens is when we start to be authentic. It changes the way we interact with other people. Let me give you an example. One of the first times I ever was authentic, I answered the question, hey, how are you today? You know we say that, right? How are you now? Most of us do. What?

Daniel Aaron:
Fine. Good. Yeah.

Stephanie Beeby:
I'm fine. Do we actually answer that question? When we say that? Do we actually answer it? No. First time my dad suddenly died of a heart attack. I go into Starbucks because I'm at the airport and I'm in shock and I need a coffee because that's what you need, right? And the lady is so bubbly. I will never forget how incredibly bubbly she was in this interaction. And she's like, hi, how are you doing? You know, not matching the energy I'm holding. And for the first time in that moment, I thought to myself, I could just say, fine, and leave this teenage girl to her own little bubble. Or I can look at her and be honest with myself because I'm never going to see this lady again. I'm at the airport and I looked at her and I said, I'm not doing so well. My dad just died. And so, yeah, and I remember the first she didn't know what to do. And I felt, you know, I felt bad that she sat with it. But you know, what I realized in that moment is that's my truth. That was my truth. And I told a stranger, and I didn't hold back and I didn't play the game. And it was like this huge release of just honoring where I was because it was hard. I didn't break down in tears and put it on her and ask for a therapy session like, there's boundaries there, right? I just wanted a coffee. But I also wanted to, like, alert her that not everybody was in this, like, super bubbly state. Or maybe ask a different question, because if she had just said, how can I serve you today, I wouldn't have answered it in that way. She wouldn't have gotten that information. She would have just served me and I would have answered, right. But when we ask, how are you in a world that we are authentic, expect authentic answers. And if you can't handle that authentic answer, don't expect people just to say fine, because that's all you can handle, right? Like so there's something here that's like, I want to live in a world where we can be honest about where we are, that we can say it's a heavy day, that we can say, you know what? Today was awesome. And I rocked it. And I had the best day of my life so far. And I am so stoked. Right? Like, whatever it is like that we can be authentic with it and hold that for ourselves. I think that's really what we're saying when we're when we're gauging happiness.

Daniel Aaron:
Right on. That's beautiful. There's there's a a principle that, that I like here, which is it's, it's expressed in a lot of different traditions. And it is if we see people as they as they appear, we do them a disservice. We need to see people as they truly are or as they are capable of being. So part of what I heard you say is, you know, who knows if she was prepared for a a real response, who knows if she cared? Because a lot of people, like a lot of us, will just say, I'm fine. A lot of people say, how are you without without meaning it, right? However, if you see her as someone who I'm going to just take her out a word for it that she actually wants to know how I am and I'm going to be real, well, that changes the dynamic. And we know butterfly effect that changes the world. So you said a provocative little piece in there. A few of them, but the one I'm keying in on right now is what that you raise the question, what stops us from being authentic? We have you know, we tend to be conditioned in certain ways, and there is a lot of posing and fakery and and trying to adapt ourselves into being what we think we're supposed to be. But write what you know. And I'm asking this in the sense of. If we know, if we know more about what could go wrong or where we might get tripped up, then, then perhaps we can avoid some of those pitfalls more easily. So what, um, what undermines people's authenticity?

Stephanie Beeby:
Ah, I love this question. I was writing some things down while you were talking because I knew this was going to go in that direction. So here's the thing. We will be authentic to the to the expression of what feels safe in our body. And what feels safe in our body is conditioned by our nervous system capacity. So if you are conditioning, if you don't know about the vagal nerve jump in. The vagal nerve is the biggest nerve in our body that runs literally from the top of our head, all the way down our body, through all of our major organs. It is what sends us into rest and reset. And it's the vagal tone period between having a moment right, being having a charged moment or, or a, um, a trigger, and then being able to decompress from that, like the space and time it takes to do that is called vagal tone. And the closer those can be, the healthier your vagal tone is. The the healthier your body is, the safer your body feels. Right. And so we actually need to condition our bodies to feel safe in our authenticity. So what happens is, if you're little and you're young and you're not, you know, you're not taught to hold your big emotional energy or it was taught to you that it wasn't safe to be loud, or if it wasn't safe to be seen, or if it wasn't safe, because safe meaning as a child, meaning was I fully accepted and loved no matter what. And and what what happens is our safety program is automatically adopted based on how we were treated in the first seven years of our life, and then when we get to be an adult. Sorry about that. When we get to be an adult, we get to have conscious choice around, you know, what is safe to me. And so you can cognitively start to think about it and you can cognitively start to like, you know, bring up what do I want to feel safe and I want to feel safe speaking on a stage, I want Daniel, I want to feel safe hosting the show. I want to feel safe. Right. Well, you can have the idea of wanting to be safe.

Stephanie Beeby:
Then we then have to check in with our physical form. Our body talks in feeling. It doesn't talk with words, it talks in vibration. So when you have this vision of you teaching the podcast, right, and I have you drop down and close your eyes and imagine this podcast and you're talking about it and the reach, it's getting all this right and you can see it in your head. And then I say, okay, great, Daniel, drop into your body even further for me. Drop that energy out of your head, into your body, into your heart. Tell me what your body says now if your body's like, yeah, I'm in. Cool. But if your body says, ooh, ouch I don't know this, I don't know if, if like I'm okay with 10,000 listens. I'm not okay with 100,000 listens because that means blah blah blah blah. Like whatever it looks like. The point is, is we get to condition our body in recognizing what safe is when we're conscious about it, and if not, we've been wired to stay safe. Right. Stay safe and stay connected and stay in our belonging need for our tribe and who the people around us are, right? Uh, at the same time, it can be reprogramed, but you have to understand that safety is connected to the nervous system, which is connected to the vagal nerve, which is basically reprograming your body to feel safe in your authentic expression. And if you haven't practiced authentic expression, we got to go in the gym. We gotta we gotta literally practice places where you can be absolutely authentic and then checking in with your body and listen. I love taking a stage. My hands still shake like cray cray though. Like I will never be able to hold papers in my hand at this point and take a bigger stage. Right now, what that means is my body's not fully holding the energy yet, right? And so I'm working on that so that my body doesn't have to freak out that way and discharge the energy. It can hold it. It can house it. That takes practice. Right? So just because something is unsafe doesn't mean it's not right for you.

Stephanie Beeby:
It means you do not have practice in your body holding that vibration. And so I would say our authentic our authentic expression is hindered based on what the safety of our program, of our body is. And if we can help our body feel safe in the bigness of our expression and our authenticity in each area of our life, then you will be more authentic in every area of your life. Some people can say, oh, I could be authentic with them no matter what. It's because your body knows you're safe and you doesn't have to think about it. But if you can't be authentic and you're dating right in your relationship, well then that's the area that we need to train your body to feel safe and to also know how to trust when someone is safe. Right? Does that make sense? So it's not just safety in your body, but you also have to assess safety on a like a metaphysical level, on an emotional level, on a physical level, I think we get safety on a physical level like that's the easiest, right? Like if the car is coming, it's going to run over me. That's not safe to stand where I'm at. Right? That's easier for us to get. But what what what creates emotional safety for people. It's different for different people. Right, but there are certain things that are in common. Does that make sense? So I know I said a lot there. So I'm so curious. Where are you at?

Daniel Aaron:
I mean, yeah, definitely. It makes sense. And and I get really curious about the, the linguistics of this because, you know, I think of it in terms of, okay, yes, we know we understand physical safety. When there is a physical danger, there is an appropriate response to that. Um, and 98.5% of our daily experience where we get triggered or go into some kind of fear response or lose our authenticity. Right? Is, is that there's actually no danger in that way. Right? Not a physical danger yet, you know, yet we react as if right and vagal tone being part of the equation, we react as if we are physically in danger. Right. Like the physiological mechanisms are the same. Right. So you're making a cool distinction to say, okay, well, there's physical danger, there's emotional danger or perceived emotional danger. Right.

Stephanie Beeby:
So and the body and the body can sense that before the mind. So you don't even have to have a belief about the danger. If it's scary being visible, you're going to have a hard time in your business doing bigger marketing. And so it's not about what do you need in a belief standpoint to be more visible. It's what does your body need to feel safe being seen at that level? And when we work at it on a body level, watch out. Like I have literally found that if I can get someone's body to feel safe, their mind will come on par. No problem. The mind is not the access point here. The body is, and I think that the body requires us to feel. And I think it's our emotional energy that we have to get more comfortable with, and we have to get more comfortable with understanding when we are nervous and what nervous energy is. And nervous good energy, right. Excited nervous energy versus nervous. Oh my God, I'm in danger. Like careful what you're putting yourself into nervous energy. So we start to discern between the flavors of our emotional frequencies when we start to pay attention. And when we we when we don't. I hate this word. I know people are going to be like, what? But don't demonize emotional energy where our feelings are said, oh, those are irrelevant. They're not necessary. I disagree, I think every feeling is super valid, and we don't get to judge our feeling based on what someone does with it. So do you see the difference? Like, I don't get to base anger based on the fact that somebody punched a wall by my head. That's not anger, that's what somebody's choice was in the anger feeling. Anger itself is just a vibration. So how you house that vibration from a place of love and acceptance and knowledge and wisdom and say, this vibration is teaching me something if I have to defuze it by punching a hole in the wall, that's because I'm actually not comfortable with my anger, and I have to then put it outside of me in order for me to feel safe. Do you see what I'm talking about?

Stephanie Beeby:
So when we start to feel safe with ourselves emotionally, we start to create that capacity within ourselves. We don't have to punch walls. We don't have to scream and yell because we can house that energy within us. And we can say, I am safe with all of these frequencies, and this frequency is giving me some information to create safety for my body so that I can be more authentically expressed, that I can understand, oh, I need to take a break. I need to pause. I need to care for myself. Like we literally need to learn how to stay in tune with ourselves so that we can be authentically expressed. And as a child, you have to play the game of whatever household you were in to survive that. The point is, we will survive. When you're younger, you will do everything you can to survive. And congratulations! That's amazing. There then becomes a point when our body is fully developed, our brain is fully developed at 25, where we then have to say, wait a second, what did I learn to survive? Awesome. I'm amazing. And what do I need to thrive now? And thriving requires us to reprogram our our our energy, with our safety, with our emotional expression, with our feelings, with our authenticity. So that's ultimately what it's our job. At a certain point, it becomes our job to do that. Now we can as an adult, we both are parents. We absolutely get to show up differently for our kids so that they don't have to wait until they're 25, that they can live in healthy expression lives. The more we dedicate, our authenticity and dedication will make a difference for the space we can hold for them too. Does that make sense?

Daniel Aaron:
100%? Yeah, yeah for sure. And you know, I've been reflecting recently. I read a I read a book recently to to make it really simple. It's a book about self-hate. Right. And. I originally thought, I don't, I don't, I don't hate myself. I don't need to read that. But, you know, there were a few signs. I was like, all right, let's check it out. You know, maybe, maybe there's something in it. And one of the really interesting pieces in it is in the beginning there were two pages of statements, and it was it was phrased like this very conversational book, like when you were a kid, you might have heard things like this, you know, like, you know, I'll give you something to cry about. Children should be seen, not heard. Um, you know, you're always making mistakes like, you know, and we know the litany of. And it was like two pages of this and, and I went through that and, and I love my parents and I know they were doing the best they can. They could. And I was like, yo, check, check, check. Yep. I heard that one. I heard that one. And as I went through it, I was like, I'm going to speak to my daughter about this because I don't I mean, I probably said some of those maybe sometimes, but hardly any. Right. And and that's like to me that's a great joy that at least we're, uh, you know, I feel like I'm minimizing that, uh, inheritance there. So. Absolutely.

Stephanie Beeby:
And and it doesn't mean we see I think that's the cool thing is that we I believe in rupture and repair. I believe that we're it's not about perfection. It's about presence as a parent. And when I become present to something that I could have been doing differently, then I'm going to bring that up and I'm going to be in a conversation because what am I modeling there? I'm modeling like, look, it's okay to show up half cooked sometimes and do your best. And sometimes in that there's ripple effects that you have to then say, hey, I could have done that better. I could have used a better tone. I could have done, you know, hey, I'm sorry, what can I do to repair? Like, that's life, right? So, like, learning how to rupture and repair well is a huge key skill and and presence comes with that. Right. So this isn't about saying, oh my gosh, I should have known this information. I could have done it differently 20 years ago. If this is the first time you're hearing about the vagal nerve, then you can jump in. Now, if this is the first time you're learning about what is safety to me, like what is safe to me, like what's safe for my authentic expression? Where am I in connection to myself? How do I talk to myself? Like I always say, self love can't be outsourced, right? Like I'm an entrepreneur and I'm a business coach and I, you know, always look for leverage. You don't get to leverage your self love. You don't get to outsource it to other people. We try we try really hard. You know, let's get in that next relationship or let's, you know, get let's win this prize in our work. And you know, let's get the dopamine hit. Because then that makes me feel like I'm good enough and I'm loved. That doesn't last because it's nothing to last in. It's like you're always searching for something outside of you. It comes from within you. It comes from how loving was myself. If you just at the end of the day, if you could just ask yourself these questions.

Stephanie Beeby:
How well did I love myself today? And how do I know? I'll tell you, it will change your life. When you start to look at you as somebody that deserves your own love, that deserves your own attention, that deserves your own kindness. Not only, you know, people are going to say, oh, we're going to create selfish people. No, you're not, because when you really love yourself and you're kind to yourself, you are that in the world. The only reason why we have a selfish world is because we have a world that is lacking self-love. Right and you cannot be authentic and not love yourself. It doesn't work like that. To be authentic, you gotta love who you are. You gotta accept everything that shows up. You gotta be able to own impact. You gotta be able to say, hey, you know what, I jumped in, I got a little rushed. I was a little quick. I was a little hot with my, you know, voice, I apologize. What do I need? Right. Like that's what self-love does. Self-love takes ownership, right? Self-love treats people kindly, including yourself. And so yeah, there's just there's I'm passionate about this. Very passionate about this. Well it's that's.

Daniel Aaron:
Great. Well and it's it's it's amazing. It's perfect timing too because this concept of self-love. Well, it's not a new one for me either. I remember 20 something years ago leading events and trainings and saying to people. The main thing we are doing. The point of all of these practices is to learn to fall in love with ourselves. Yeah and I. And I meant it, I believed it, it was my experience. I know some of the people that that attended those events later would say that was the most important thing I got. And here I am, 20 something years later, the spiral goes around to another level and I say, wow, I think there's there's another level of self love for me. So I've been on a a bit of a tear with self love curriculum lately, like the I told you about the self hate book. The flip side of that of course, is self love. And so I've done a bunch of other ones and been working with a bunch of my clients a lot on it recently. So it's, uh, there's something in the air that brings this to our conversation right now. How do you cultivate self love in yourself and for others? What's what's the what's the way to it?

Stephanie Beeby:
Yeah. You know, I think the biggest thing for me when I started to commit to a self love practice, it was hearing my own voice. You know, I don't know if this is the case for men, but for women, we often don't know our voice. Like we don't have our voice always. It's it's it's often, um, for me, I grew up in a house of all boys, and and so I really was different. I was the only girl. Right. And and girl being the only girl being a sensitive being intuitive being. So when it reads energy like in a house that was not speaking it. Was an interesting one. Right. To like trust that and to like, be the outlier. Um, and so I've always journaled. So I've always had this like, you know, diary, I think when we were little. Right. It was a diary of like what's going on for me and, and I keep that practice. So for me, I date myself, I spend time in my own voice, I, I check in with where I'm at. I check in with my emotional health. I check in with my mental health. I check in with my physical body. Um, I do things that I make choice. I ask myself, even when I eat, I'm like, what's the most self-loving choice right now? Right? Like when I make decisions like in terms of, you know, business, you know, it's like, what would be the most self-loving choice I could make right now? And so when I, when I start to, to really focus on that, it does change the way that I show up. It does change the different choices I make. Because if I'm just saying, oh, what's going to help me be a better mom or what would be a what would a good mom do that would probably change me versus saying I, you know, what's a self-loving response here that allows me to have the energy to be a good mom, right? Like, so there's there's something here about my presence with myself. And that if we think of self-love as our presence with ourself and how much of our time, I mean, 15 minutes in the morning, just connecting with myself and where I'm at and what's going on for me. And at the end of the day, like, how did I do like how self-loving was I today? And is there any place I need to make amends with myself, you know? And and that can happen, right? It can happen where you have to say sorry to yourself, you know? So I do that. I do a self-forgiveness process. I do a journaling process. I do a, you know, constantly like looking for ways in which I can love myself better. Um, and I also do things on a physical level. Right. My headset just died. Um, and so you hear me still.

Daniel Aaron:
Uh, a little bit. Yep.

Stephanie Beeby:
You're still. Here. Okay. Never mind. It it it maybe it's going to last. Come on, angels and guidance. Let's make it last. Okay. Hearing you. Okay? Okay, good. Um. So. Yeah. So I think for me, self-love isn't just pedicures and and massages. It's, it's a, it's a, it's a mental, emotional, physical presence with ourselves and making that as a priority because you matter to you too, and not just doing it when you're upset to try to figure things out, but like actually being proactive, to stay connected to yourself and to learn your own voice and to learn where you are, you know, just doing this, I realized that there's certain times of the year that I need more space, right? There's other times that I have so much energy. This is the time to take on projects like it's an interesting time, but like winter, like, I kind of like to just be less stressed, right? And so just recognizing that because I spend time with myself and I recognize, like I felt the energy shift and I felt this like just wanting to focus on my family and just wanting to stay indoors and not wanting to, like, launch things or develop things. And then, yeah, I got confirmation from other aspects of, you know, astrology and human design and all these different things. But ultimately, I already knew because I was listening and honoring myself. Does that make sense?

Daniel Aaron:
Of course. Yeah, absolutely. There's one of my favorite quotations from Lazarus is the if you if you can hear the whispers, you don't need to hear the screams. Right. So and there's something I think, like there's a connection to be made here. You've already made it. But let's let's make it more overt between self love and intuition. Yeah. Right. Um. I had the experience not that long ago where one of my coaches said to me. Gave me the assignment to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I love myself great. Which is, you know, not rocket surgery. It's not like that's the first time I heard it. However, I had never really done it right, like I and I, and I found it to be really powerful, right? And and I don't think I wouldn't have thought of myself as someone who's disliking or not loving himself, though, as I've started that as a practice and added other layers into sort of creating a new mental loop around self-love, I found things changing in my life so well.

Stephanie Beeby:
I love that you brought that up. So I do a self-love practice in the mirror, and I remember when I first was challenged to do that back in 2010, and I couldn't hold my eyesight and say that without laughing or giggling or thinking I'm silly for like, it was like maybe five seconds and now I can sit there and probably do 15 20 minutes, no problem. So it just shows you the difference. I mean, it took me a year. It took me almost a year of daily looking at myself in the eyes, feeling comfortable looking in my own eyes and saying, I love you Stephanie. You're amazing. I'm so proud of you. You've taken some big risks and life hasn't always panned out, but I'm so proud of you continuing to get up and you know, and continuing to like, show up and want to make a difference, even though life can be hard. Right. And and so this was it. Yeah. And now, you know, the way that I talk to myself in the mirror, you know, I use my toothbrush time, right. Like that toothbrush time. I'm actually, like, really looking at my eyes and having a conversation in my own head and then sometimes saying out loud, but like, you know, ultimately, just like really being one with yourself and how you talk to yourself, it matters. It makes a difference. You, you know, and and I'll tell you, it raised my sensitivity to how others talk to me. Like if somebody was starting to, like, be demeaning or it was like I it was like my body was so used to kind talking that when somebody was not doing that, it felt very different for me, where I think before I might have just like noticed it, but like it wouldn't have hit me the same way, you know. And so I think what happens is when we start to be present with ourselves and we see that as an act of love for us, it starts to like raise our bar for how we deserve to be treated in all areas of our life. And we don't even have to focus on that. We just have to focus on how we are doing it with ourselves, and then it just naturally translates to the relationships we have with other people.

Daniel Aaron:
Makes logical sense. And I have I have some thoughts and I have a feeling I some why get a sense of what you might say to this. But so as we've again we've talked about intuition. And that's a big part of your life and your work. And we've talked about self love. What's the relationship between the two.

Stephanie Beeby:
That's a great question. You know I, I didn't I wouldn't have said they were the same or that they were connected in the original because to be honest, I, I was born with a gift. I was born sensing energy. And luckily I lived with, you know, I had a mom that just allowed me to be in that way. Um, so. But I also, you know, what I'm sensing right now is I also, like, was born in love, like my family really wanted me to be born. And they really wanted a girl. And like, there was a lot that was like, I was born into this frequency of love, you know, and and acceptance and all of those things. And so I, I feel like that, that acceptance and that love was a program of who I am. My mom will tell you she felt this, you know, I was that she felt this surge of energy when I was born. Um, she had me naturally. And I was the only one out of all three that she had, you know, total natural. And she felt this surge of energy. She said. She said she could run around the block. She felt complete joy. And that was the story of when I was born, is that I was born on this frequency of joy. And, uh, and, you know, I feel like what happens is when I was dormant with my energy, my my intuition, when it got too much for me in my junior high high school years, it got overwhelming to be different. It got overwhelming to see things that other people couldn't see or to feel things other people couldn't see. So I decided, I don't want this gift. And it was. I wouldn't have said it was because I didn't love myself. I would have said it was because I didn't have any mentorship to know how to manage the bigness of of the frequencies I was feeling in a world that wasn't accepting of it, you know, and I was I just had this huge desire to be normal. And in that and I think that's very normal in that phase of life. Um, and when I came back into my gifts again, because they started to show up in my dreams and they started to show up, it was actually came through my grief process of losing my brother suddenly at 18 and then having to, like, go dig deep into that grief work that brought my connection back to myself again.

Stephanie Beeby:
Uh, and I think that that was a loving act, like, I think that being with my being, with my grief, being with the impact of what that was for me at 18 years old, like, I think that was an act of love. So I think that self love isn't always this cognitive. I'm loving myself right now. It's the choices we make. It's the way that we present with ourselves. It's like when you make a mistake. I know I make a lot of them because you know what? You make mistakes when you're in, when you're in the arena, when you're living a life of active leadership, you're going to make mistakes. And so getting okay with how to handle that and to be able to to manage that energy and to be kind to yourself in that, like I don't go, well, what an idiot you are, Stephanie. Like, if I talk to myself like that, I wouldn't be a leader because I couldn't make mistakes, because I wouldn't be able to trust myself on how I would get, how I could derail myself. Like I wouldn't be able to be a leader if I wasn't loving to myself. Point is, I make mistakes. It sucks. I feel the feeling. I deal with that I work with that, I see what can I learn from this? I ask for help if I need to. Like those are all self-loving acts. So I feel like self-love is the response to our life. And when you're doing that well, we're listening to the intuitive guidance. We're trusting the the pings. We're trusting where we need to be. We're trusting that the word.

Daniel Aaron:
Oh, now we lost you. Um. It's great though. If we could read lips, we would have been with it still. Um, so not hearing you yet? Um. Are you. You're still hearing me, though. So, um, maybe while you're getting your mic back. Yeah, we can hear you now.

Stephanie Beeby:
Okay. So. Yeah. So my headset went. Bye bye. Um. So much energy. What do we do? Yeah. So, can you hear me? Okay. Yeah. It's okay.

Daniel Aaron:
Was there more you want to say to to finish that about self love and leadership and how you talk to yourself?

Stephanie Beeby:
I just think that I think it's really important that you understand that self love is not just like I'm, I'm it's not just an act in the moment. Yeah. It's how how loving are we. With how we live our lives day to day, and you can often show this in the harder moments. So when you make mistakes, when you have to repair, when you do something wrong, how are you with yourself? If you berate yourself? I'm going to say that your self love program needs some help. If you can be honest with it yourself, but in a kind way. Process the energy. That's the truth of making a mistake and how hard it is and the implications of that, and feel all of that without making yourself be all bad. Then I would say you're doing pretty darn good. So.

Daniel Aaron:
Right. Yeah. Well, and I would even, uh, you know, go another level. Um, it's of course understandable that we would think, oh, a mistake is, you know, something that we don't want. As you were speaking, though, I was recalling a great thing that, um, Sarah Blakely, the woman who founded Spanx. Right. Um, one of the youngest self-made billionaire women ever. Um, she tells this great story about when she was a kid at their family dinners every night. Her father would say, what mistakes did you make today? And they they didn't dare show up at dinner without saying some mistakes they made. And and so in that culture, mistakes were good, right? So I'm 100% with you and and I love this question that you remind me of because, yeah, self-love isn't just when you're in the mirror and it's not just cognitive. It's it's about in the actions throughout the day. And I love the question that I've been circulating for myself recently, which is if I really love myself, what would I choose right now? Right. And, you know, do I choose the muffin or do I choose, you know, whatever it is, like, even like that? Or do I feel like going and working out right now? Well, if I really love myself and it's like instant and it's no pressure, you know, it's not like I have to do this. And if but just the if question is really powerful.

Stephanie Beeby:
With it, here's. Here's what's coming through, though, intuitively, because I'm asking right to show me some things. He this might be a little out of the box for people. So I just want to warn you about what I'm about to share. Might be felt as a shock. And it's okay. So what happens is if our love program. Is corrupted, meaning the people that were meant to love us didn't love us well. They didn't love us in a healthy way. We're going to have a hard time with the word love. Because love is going to feel to our body as unsafe. So for some people, self love is hard. Not because. We don't want to be kind to ourselves, but because the word love is corrupted in our field, it is. It has been tainted based on the interactions of people that were meant to be loving to us. So I want you to start. If that's you, if that's you, like when you think of love you, it actually doesn't feel good in your body. It doesn't feel good. It's because you don't know what love is. You know what love isn't? Mm. And so I would say start with. Can I what's presence for me? Like what is self presence like? It might have to start with self presence. And then you might have to really challenge your love program. To define what that actually means to you. And where do you feel safe in love and where do you fully, you know, are accepted for who you are? Like, it might not be your nuclear family. It might not be the people that were meant to love you or or were said in the world. Oh, this is person supposed to love you. I'm going to be honest. Like when I was 18 and my brother was brutally murdered suddenly. I wasn't happy with God. So if you had brought up in that moment. Oh, God has him now. God has a. Plan. That would have been triggering to me on so many levels in that moment. Because for me, if God had a plan, why did he let this happen right to me?

Stephanie Beeby:
At that moment it was like, well, why didn't he save my brother? And why didn't you know what I mean? Like, there's so many things that came from that. So like if, if you were to use the word God in that first 5 or 6 years of my life, I would have absolutely not been okay with that conversation. It would have been triggering. So replace God with love. It's the same idea, right? Like, you know what I mean? So like, we're supposed some people have a loving God, some people have a mean god, right? So some people think he's a punishing God. Well, your relationship to that is going to be very different than if you think you're an accepted, loving, you know, God source, whatever you want to believe, whatever outside energy you believe, if you believe, it's a loving energy and accepting energy and a forgiving energy versus a punishing, you know, like, don't get anything wrong, like narcissistic, like my way or the highway energy, they're gonna you're gonna have different relationship to that terms. Right. So same idea with love. You might need to stop and say, well, what did I learn about love? What did I learn about love growing up? When did I feel the most loving? When did I feel the most loved? And is that enough? Is that my program for love? Or am I going to upgrade it? Right. And that's what I did when I had my son. I questioned what a mother was, not because my mother wasn't great. But what I saw was a lot of my mother's self-sacrificial energy, you know? And I was like, well, is that what I want to tell my son? That like, you're the you know, you're the focus of my life and you're the only thing that matters, and I don't matter to you. Well, then how can I expect him to matter to himself? And so I was like, no, that's not my definition of motherhood. My definition of motherhood is modeling what I would want in a healthy human, and so that he sees healthy human behavior. If I don't want him to wake up with a phone in his face, I don't wake up with a phone in my face.

Stephanie Beeby:
I'm meditating. I'm journaling. I'm eating healthy vegetables. I'm moving my body. I'm doing the things that I would say I would want for him. I'm not telling him to do things that I'm not willing to commit to. And guess what? He's called me out. He calls me out, he's like, well, you don't do that. You're like, you know what, buddy? You're right. It's my turn to do it, you know? And, and and he holds me accountable in that way. But it takes a lot more energy and effort. Daniel. Way harder life. To be showing up and to be integrity of my word, and to not just say things to him that I want him to do, but not do them for myself. It's a harder life. It takes effort. That's what I mean. It takes effort. And I believe a vibrant life requires your attention. It requires your effort. It requires you to question your own self love program and saying, does it allow me to feel safe in my biggest, most expressed self? And if it's not, then challenge it because and reprogram yourself to know that you are the most safe and the most loved. When you are the most authentic to who you are in this moment. Not who you were yesterday, not who you were 20 years ago. Who you are right now in your own presence. That's the point. That's what we're talking about. Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
Um, yes, I'm with you. And well done bringing it back to authenticity. A couple of things that I heard, as you were saying, that is there's this a famous saying from a well known Greek philosopher that the unexamined life is not worth living. Right. And so you're talking about. Yeah. It's it's harder to show up with integrity. It's harder to to do the work and to be a true model for what I'm asking. And of course, we all know, you know, kids pay attention to what we do more than what we say anyway. Um, so nobody nobody falls for that, really. Anyway, if we're not being models of it. Right. There's this, you know, going back to the, uh, old philosophers, there's this great story about Hercules, right? And the famous decision of Hercules where he's on the road, on the path, and he's young and and he meets these, these two goddesses, and one says everything's going to be just pleasure and joy and fun. Just come with me. It'll be wonderful. And then the other one says, well, or the alternative is that, you know, you're going to have a lot of hardship and some difficulty, but it's going to lead to greater. She didn't say authenticity, but greater life satisfaction, a life worth lived. And of course, he chose that other one. And her name was virtue. Right. So you're talking about, well, it's harder to show up in this way. It takes energy to do it. Yet there's authenticity to that. And the upgraded word to happiness that we can use is flourishing. Right? And it could be argued that there is no flourishing possible if we don't have that congruency and that integrity. Right. So harder, yet more worthwhile. Would does that make sense in terms of the worth?

Stephanie Beeby:
Absolutely. And I think that's the whole thing. Right. Like my company's name is inflow CEO. Inflow is doesn't mean that we don't have effort. Right. It doesn't mean that we're not like but we have to like get we have to take action to get into alignment with that authentic expression. And when we are being the most authentic version of ourselves, I truly believe that's where the magic is, right? Like, we we just feel good. Like even when I make mistakes because I'm with you, I don't believe in mistakes. I believe in lessons. And I'm always learning. And it's, you know, some people can see it as a mistake, but I see it as I learned a lot. I learned a lot in this experiment. I call us we're you know, I tell my son we're in our own little social experiment every day. What are we learning today? What is the feedback like? You know, are we on par with what we want to be creating in our experiment? You know, so yeah, I mean, to me it is there is a sense to effort is required to live a connected, authentic life. It takes more effort to be authentic because we don't just grow up in authenticity now. We can change that. Like we can change it for the future generations if authenticity was required. Right? And so if we have systems where authenticity is required and that they're not shamed for it, because you don't want to get me in there because let's think about it. Boys don't want to sit in seats all day. I mean, I think all kids, but especially, you know, specifically boys. So what happens is we think that something's wrong with the boy who can't sit in a system. But in reality, the system needs to evolve to match the boy. Right? So like, giving them stand up desks, giving them bouncy balls, giving them different variety ways to stay present in a setting like that. It doesn't mean that something's wrong with somebody who can't fit into it. It means the system has to evolve. So if our systems are built on your authenticity, then it will be required and we will live in a different world. But right now, our world is based on you not being authentic, you not being connected to yourself. You looking for things outside of yourself to give you something that you can resource right here. Your presence. Right. And listen, there's a lot of systems that would lose power if we stopped looking outside of ourselves for something that we can give with our own presence.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, and maybe, maybe we could take it a little bit further and say there are a lot of systems that are losing power because we're having conversations like this. And while on authenticity maybe is hard and takes effort, well, the more we do that, the more that becomes normal. And then then the more it becomes hard to be inauthentic or fake. Right? And that's because because of people like you doing that work inside themselves and sharing about it. Speaking of which, we're almost out of time. So question, um, for people that want to get in touch with you, connect with you in flow CEO, what's the best way for people to reach you?

Stephanie Beeby:
Yeah, I mean, you're welcome to go to my website and message me or you can find me on Facebook. I'm very active on Instagram as well. Inflow CEO mom. Um, yeah. So feel free to reach out. You. Me? Um. Or you can email me at Stephanie at info cio.com. Um, happy to connect and and hear your story. I would love your comments. So if you're watching this live like please post some comments. I'd love to see how this resonated with you. What spoke to you? Um, and thank you, Daniel. I mean, this is just such a cool platform. I love having these conversations with people that are also doing really cool work in the world. Um, and I thank you for showing up. I thank you for having vision. I know that there was a moment in your life where this was just a thought. And to see this in, you know, in live performance of creation, like, it's so fun. So thank you for inviting me. Um, in, in terms of being here.

Daniel Aaron:
Oh, it's a it's a pleasure. And it's an honor and an honor. And I love the conversation. I love what you are up to. And I got one more question for you. Uh, it's the big question. It's the impossible question. Can I ask you?

Stephanie Beeby:
Sure.

Daniel Aaron:
Okay, so it's big and it's impossible because you've got so much experience, so much wisdom. And here's my request is to boil it down, distill it into just one so it's impossible. But the flip side of impossible means you you can't mess up, right? Because you couldn't get it right. So the question is, if you had one thing to share with people to help them to create their most vibrant, thriving life, what is it?

Stephanie Beeby:
Yeah. Hmm'hmm. There was one thing I could say to invite people to live a vibrant life. It would be that. Where you are right now doesn't have to be where you stay if you consciously choose to input new information. So. Find a way where you can input new information. Whether it's I'm committed to reading a book, I'm committing to getting a mentor. I'm committing to doing something different. So anything that you can do to take a different approach, to give new input and new information into your present moment, it means you can't stay on the same point of reference. So I encourage you to look for ways in which you can expand your present moment through new information, new audience, new mentorship, new experiences because it will require you to show up in different. It will require you to show up in a context that you've never been before. It will require you to stretch into something different and you no longer will be the same person. So if you commit to doing that on an everyday basis, then all of a sudden in a year from now, you are a different person.

Daniel Aaron:
Hallelujah. Well said. That's awesome. Stephanie. Thank you so much for being with us. I mean, not just for for being here. And I appreciate that. And you taking the time out of all that you're involved with also for the the courage that you've had in your life and the work you've done and what you've overcome that, you know, brings so much value to us. But and it changes the world. So thank you for being the model of that change and being the leader that you are.

Stephanie Beeby:
Um, thank. You so much. I so received that because it has not been easy this journey. Life can be hard and glorious all at the same time, so I just I so appreciate being here. Thank you for allowing me to come on and be in this experience with you. And thank you everyone for listening. And if this made a difference for you, please make a comment. Please share the post. Um, you know, please share this because that's that's how we're going to make a difference, right? You can share this post. You can share this interview, um, with more people that could be inspired by it. And so thank you so much, Daniel. I'll be following your show and listening to more of your interviews. Um, and I appreciate again, let you know having me be a guest here today.

Daniel Aaron:
Awesome. Beautiful. Well said. Thank you. And y'all audience, friends, compatriots, thank you for tuning in. Thank you for being interested in making your life better, more vibrant. I hope that you take on what Stephanie just said and apply something from this. There's so much wisdom in what she shared. Uh, we will be back soon. In fact, we'll be back on Monday. Continuing and deepening into the theme of Self Love with author Rachel Madorsky. It's going to be an amazing show, so stay with us. Come back soon. Make your life into a masterpiece. See you later, y'all. Aloha. Mahalo for tuning in to the Art of Vibrant Living show y'all! I'm Daniel Aaron and may you live with great vibrancy.

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