Special Guest Expert - Elisabeth Adams: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Elisabeth Adams: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Daniel Aaron:
What does it take to create a vibrant, thriving life? First, the sad news is that Thoreau was right. Most people are leading quiet lives of desperation, lacking in meaning, fulfillment, and vitality. But we choose more. We choose to create extraordinary lives and the art of vibrant living. Show entertains you with inspiration, empowerment and education to create your life into a masterpiece. It's time. Let's vibe up. Aloha, y'all. Thank you for joining. Welcome to the show. I am your host, Daniel Aaron. Really excited about this particular show you. If you've been with us at all, awesome. If you're new, welcome. This show is all about empowering you to live a vibrant, thriving life with the premise that it's not an accident. Most people don't just stumble into great levels of success and happiness. It takes some learning. It takes some practice. It takes intention. So what we do here is give you inspiration and education so that you can thrive in your life, thus contributing to a better and better world. And today's show I'm really excited about. While I often have guests on who are entrepreneurs, Dr. Elizabeth Adams and I met through a really beautiful, powerful community. You could call it a coaching community, and she is a leader in the UK mental health system, and she's doing such powerful and interesting work that personally for me, resonated on a deep level because she's working directly with people that are on the hot seat on the edge of suicide. And for me personally, having my own sister commit suicide many years ago, it's a topic that not only has been important and dear to my heart, it's part of what motivated me to become an author and a coach and a teacher. So Elizabeth is doing phenomenal work. It's little known the kind of work she's doing and the impact it's having. And even better, what she's going to share is stuff that you can use in your life and with people that you care about as well. So I could say more, but let's hear directly from Elizabeth. Elizabeth, thank you so much for being with us. What an honor to have you here.

Elisabeth Adams:
Lovely to be here. Thank you. Daniel, thank you so much for inviting me on the show.

Daniel Aaron:
Total pleasure. I'm just so excited. And, you know, as we spoke about before, from the first time we met, it's just really important. And one of the biggest challenges to mental health is a lot of what goes on in our heads and in our sometimes in our homes stays in the dark, right? And it stays in this place where we don't talk about it, we don't look at it. And anything that's deep in the closet gains power. So to be able to bring this forward and out into a public conversation and with your experience, it's just an incredible gift. So before we really dive into, you know, what you're doing and how you're working, would you say a little bit about how you got here?

Elisabeth Adams:
Absolutely, yes. So I'm Elizabeth Adams, I've been a doctor for 30 years. And actually I came to this coaching area because I had such a really difficult time at work a few years ago. So 4 or 5 years ago, I was falsely accused of some clinical issues and actually lost my job and nearly lost my career as a doctor. And during that time, obviously, I was in a really dark place myself with anxiety and depression, and I met a coach who I'd met previously, and actually she. You know, coached me. And what I learned was these practical tips, which what I realized when I went into my leadership role, which is in primary care in Somerset, that actually I could use those with patients. And I'd previously actually done quite a lot of relationship counseling. So I'd been a relationship counselor before. But actually the coaching that that, you know, you and other coaches provide, I realized I could actually use that with really acutely mentally unwell patients who were coming to the surgery, either mainly telephoning but telephoning us or coming to a reception, but actually saying, you know, today I feel suicidal in some cases. Obviously, you'll know that they actually have been feeling like that for quite a long time. But that's the day. And and I felt that, well, initially I felt really scared to be honest. And, and I think that the first time I got a phone call to say, you know, this acutely suicidal patient, you know, is at reception or is on the phone, can you ring them back? I think my big fear, probably along with many other peoples, would be, what if I say the wrong thing? You know what if I don't stop them from committing suicide? What if I'm not the right person? And actually, I think one of the things we're going to talk about is how anyone can can, you know, help someone in that situation. And so I've used my own experience and what I practice every day to stay mentally really well, and I suppose filtered that down into about 4 or 5 points that I can help someone with in 30 minutes. So it's a quick, very acute situation. And, and I, you know, and I, I feel privileged that suddenly I'm the one, you know, that they've contacted that day.

Daniel Aaron:
That's that's beautiful. Thank you for sharing all that. And there's so much in what you said. We could talk for two hours just about some of the important points that you brought forward there. I will sort of reflect or highlight a couple and then ask you another question so we can go a bit deeper. I appreciate your vulnerability in saying I was in this rough spot, right? I was falsely accused. I almost lost my job. It was stressful for me. I was feeling anxiety. And you know, part of what I get from that is what I think of as a general therapeutic truism, which applies equally well to coaching. And maybe at some point we'll talk about the difference between coaching and therapy and what differences and similarities there are. But one of the truism that I find to be really powerful in both fields is you can't take anybody deeper than you've been yourself, right? So your, you know, and you have certifications and qualifications. Obviously, as a coach and a doctor, I would say maybe even the more important certification is the fact that that you went to some dark places yourself and you learned how to move through them and become healthy and vibrant again. Right? Does that make sense?

Elisabeth Adams:
Yes, 100%. Yeah. Yes. And and actually I, I do share that. I mean obviously I'm sharing with your viewers, but I share that commonly with patients because I think when I start to describe the things that they can do. Practical. So how I describe it is, is as mental health first aid that I'm. Offering them as a support. And I mean it is good that in some ways that I'm a doctor because. You know, that gets us on a really good footing to start with. You know, in terms of they've they've come to the practice to get help. And, um, you know that I have their permission. You know, they're reaching out for help at that moment. Um, but. So I offer the mental health first aid effectively. And I think that sharing my own story because some of what I described to them seems initially as if it doesn't necessarily make sense, although it makes a lot of sense from the way that every human being's brains work. But I think by sharing my story, it means that they they realize that I've actually been there, and I practice the things that I'm talking about. So I always say I'm not blowing smoke up their bottom.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, exactly. Yeah. I mean, and it's and, you know, I think we all have bullshit meters and those who have struggled and been down often have more acutely aware bullshit meters. I remember one of my divert for a moment into a tangent. One of my teachers years ago, who was considered by some a guru. He ran an addiction recovery center, and this is a guy who had been strung out on heroin for 14 years, and he had tried. Right. And that's really unusual, right? You know, but you don't know most people, if you're strung out on heroin, you don't last 14 years. You either get clean or you get dead. And so he managed to strong character. I mean, it's 14 years in and out of those that addiction. And what finally made the difference for him is he went to an addiction recovery center in New York City that was experimental at the time, called the Phenix House, and it was run by former addicts, addicts who had got clean. And he said the only reason that that finally worked for him, because he'd been through so many different centers and programs, is they're the people that were running the program. They knew all all his stories, all his games. Right. And when when they called him out on something, he couldn't he couldn't come up with, oh, you don't know because you've never had this problem. They're like, no, I've been there. It's real. And so I love that you, you know, you have that authenticity and that experience that you bring to it and. One other thing I want to highlight from what you said before, before we go on to what you just got into, like what you do say and how you work with people. It's also just so cool, impressive and amazing that you approach this as it's a gift. It's a privilege that I get to work with these people. And and I heard you also say that when you started, it was that you had some fear, like, you know what? If I say the wrong thing? What if what if I'm not effective in this? And there's so many times in life and we all do this to some degree or another where we think, oh, I want to help. I want to be of service, I want to give this. And then fear kicks in and it stops us. Right. So for you to have cultivated enough caring desire to help that that outweighs the fear. And, you know, I'm sure it's not the case that there isn't any fear. It's just that the desire to be of service is greater. That's such a beautiful thing and a great lesson for all of us, because we all have the capability of, you know, increasing the caring, which maybe that doesn't decrease the fear, but it changes how we act and it changes the world.

Elisabeth Adams:
Yes. And I think the way that well, I had trust anyway in the coaching process and I and I think in what I remembered, one of my coaches saying to me was, you know, don't worry when you you do have fear about what to say or do, just tune into your love and compassion. So tune into being love and compassion and and then just actually and that's how I prepare for seeing one of these patients when they come in. I'm just breathing myself, you know, relaxing and being prepared to really, really deeply listen to what they've got to say from a place of love and compassion and no judgment. And and that way that overcomes any fear that I have of. And obviously, as time has gone on, you know, I've, I've, I've, I think I've seen about 200 patients since I started and, um, I audited my results and I'm getting about a 70% improvement rate after one session. So actually so which is great. And, and I think I was explaining to you before we came on air how I so I have 30 minutes really. I mean there's a little bit of leeway but effectively 30 minutes to spend with them. And then I follow them up with some text messaging, which we have as a semi-automated system through the computer. And normally I normally mainly see patients for either 1 or 2 sessions and that's enough to shift them, um, you know, away from that acutely distressed state that they've come in to a different path. You know, where they, you know, they can start to read and they can start to look at things on YouTube and, and start to see other possibilities for, you know, how they, how they're going to move forward, really.

Daniel Aaron:
Wow. Okay, so I got to ask now 70% success rate. How is that measured? What does that mean?

Elisabeth Adams:
So what I looked at was I'm followed up all the patients that I saw in the first tranche and I think out of. So basically, um, I can't remember all the figures off hand now, but 70% of the first hundred were got it back in touch and said they were now fine.

Daniel Aaron:
Wow. That's that's phenomenal.

Elisabeth Adams:
Yeah. Yeah yeah it was good actually. And and they are obviously a mixture of people who are maybe also on medication and they're, they're also a group of patients who I think I was also explaining to you that our crisis team in the UK can't pick them up for three weeks. So after three weeks they may be picked up as well by sort of mainstream mental health services as well. So and I, I say to them just, you know, have as much help at this point as you need, you know, see, see, I'm not someone who would say, oh, don't come and see me because you're seeing a psychiatrist or don't come and see me. Because you're on medication now or something. You know, basically they they can come and see me. And, you know, whenever they need to.

Daniel Aaron:
Which is amazing and it's such a contrast to. The way the mental health system in the US often works, and I think not. It isn't. The way it often works is the opposite of what you described in that practitioners of various sorts say, oh no, don't see me, you have to go. Here you go. You know, it becomes sort of this bouncing back, which, you know, I don't think is because these people don't care or that it's not that they don't want to help, it's just that we've created this very convoluted system that revolves so much around procedures and money and all of that. So for you to be in a place where you're saying you're welcome, come, you know, make sure that you use me, that's, you know, which, of course, on some level is like, well, that's how it should be. But let's check in because I want to make sure we're understanding you. When you say the mental health crisis team can't pick people up for three weeks. Did I hear you right with that? If so, what does that mean?

Elisabeth Adams:
So the waiting time at the moment in my area of the UK is that when we make a referral to the crisis team of someone who's acutely suicidal, they can't see them for three weeks. So in the meantime, it becomes even more important. I mean, obviously we also safety net them with, you know, all the different the lines. You know in the UK it's 111 which is non-urgent medical care and 999 which is urgent medical care. And then there also obviously all the charities. So there's something called Mind Line. Um there's the Samaritans. So they there they, there are also all these call center ways that they can get help sort of out of ours. What they do say to me is the problem mind line is good because they can actually have 30 minutes a day with a counselor, and they can book that. But they always have to speak to a different person, obviously. So I think one of the things about trying to look after the patients that belong to our practice. Like this is that they, you know, I know who they are. And, you know, they don't have to keep repeating. The whole story again, which is which I remember from my own time, was whenever I met a new person who was supporting me when I was having my difficult dark time, um, to have to start from scratch and go through my sorry tale again. Um, you know, not only did it sort of make it worse because I was reliving it each time, but, you know, it used up all the time. I could have, um, you know, with that person for their support because there was so much time telling my my story.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. Well, and I think part of what that points to is something we were speaking a little bit about earlier, which I want to highlight. Also, I was appreciating your courage and caring. That outweighing the fear. And part of what you said is something you learned that's become important is to make sure you get yourself in the place of compassionate, compassionate listening that you're caring, right? Which points to the principle that love we'll call it compassion. That's love and fear. They don't coexist, right? You know, they have an inverse relationship. And one thing that that I firmly believe, again, both in coaching and in therapy, is that while there are many aspects that contribute to the effectiveness or lack of effectiveness in terms of that helping relationship, caring is clearly one of the most vital aspects of it. Right? And some of us in the coaching world say, well, really all I'm doing is loving people, right? And it sounds it sounds a little trite or overly simplistic and it is overly simplistic. There's more to it than that. And the truth is that loving someone is a multi-layered skill action. So and part of why that comes to mind for me again now is you describe well, your ability to see people repeatedly helps to convey that caring and and well, of course anybody, you know, somebody could call in and reach a different person, different helping person every time. And each of them be caring. But it's harder to feel that and know that when it's like a different person every time and you know that they're just there on the other end, you get to develop a bit of a relationship with someone.

Elisabeth Adams:
Yes. Yeah. And obviously the one the patients that I see, you know, more than once or a few times is, you know, you can build on the stepping stones of what you've put in place at the beginning so that they, you know, they're starting to move forward, actually, down a what we would call a coaching path of self development. And I think one of the things as well, um, one of the things that's important to convey, um, when I'm meeting them for the first time is to, um, is to see for me to, you know, calm myself and come from love and compassion and also to be able to see in them immediately whatever state they're in, that they have innate wellness and resilience within them. They have mental health within them. I'm not I'm not seeing them as someone that I need to fix. You know I'm not rescuing them. They. You know, I'm seeing them as a person who has their they have the ability to find their own well-being, you know, and our job as coaches is, is to to signpost them that way.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. Beautiful. Well, and that conveys a level of respect and empowerment that is so vital to somebody's journey. So. Okay, now that you've spoken about that a little bit, we might as well say. Actually, I'm going to I'm going to set this question up a little bit because I want to hear your take on this. I mentioned earlier that there may be some distinction between therapy and coaching. I get that question a lot. And prior to our meeting, and part of why I was so enthralled about what you're doing is I had this belief that if somebody is dysfunctional and we could say suicidal is like the extreme of dysfunctional, that for them to go from dysfunctional to functional, that's the world of therapy, right? And that coaching begins when somebody gets to functional. And coaching is about going from functional to extraordinary. And this is mirrored a little bit by the history of psychology, because we had all this work over many years to say, okay, somebody that's not quite doing okay in life. We've got psychology and they can go from here to here. And then gosh, now I think it's 30 years ago. We started with positive psychology, which says, okay, well, what about the people that are doing all right? How do we help them go further? So I had this belief that, well, if somebody's suicidal, they're not a candidate for coaching. They need therapy, though. You turn that on its head for me. And I say, well, maybe there's no valid distinction here. And so what that leads to for me and of course, say anything you want about what I just said. But but also, I think really valid and useful for you to tell us a bit. How do you do that mean? Because it's kind of miraculous that you can spend half an hour with someone who's at the extreme of dysfunctional on the edge of suicide, and bring them forward to the point that they're sending you a text and saying, yeah, I'm doing all right.

Elisabeth Adams:
Hmm. Yes. Mean actually mean. I can't take credit for the, you know, this all comes from what we call the three principles. And so the background to what I've studied and I've been coached in are really principles. How I describe it to the, to my patients of how our brains work. So our brains work in this way. So just to give you the synopsis, really and I mean, I do recommend that anyone could do this, any coach and any person and, and it does just, you know, take coming from love and compassion and listening really. But so the, the first thing I do is prepare myself and breathe and come from love and compassion and be prepared to listen deeply to them. And when they come in, you know, I explain how how long we have roughly and, and. Whatever state they're in, I just ask them to tell me what's happening in their lives. So they tell me their story of what's going on if they can. I mean, sometimes they're not really speaking at this point, and if they aren't speaking or once their initial, um, you know, talking about their distress. You know, has has subsided. Then I just offered them five. Pieces of what I'm calling first aid. So I'm saying what I can offer you is some mental health first aid that I do every day. And that has helped me. And it seems to help lots of other people. And it and it does sound simple, but you do actually need to practice it a little bit. So the first thing I talk to them about and sometimes I show them how to do it if I have time, but otherwise I just suggest that they practice it and start using an app or. Um. You know, actually, just sit is for them to just learn how to empty their minds by breathing. So we talk about breathing. And I did have a chap who was a Buddhist and he said, well, what type of breathing am I meant to do? And I said, honestly, it doesn't matter. Any, any type of breathing is fine. So the first thing is for them to practice breathing and then trying to empty their mind of all the negative thoughts.

Elisabeth Adams:
Because I think I was saying to you before we went on, what I do find is that most of the patients who come in acutely are living in a really, really horrible thought storm of negative thoughts about themselves, their life, and really horrible negative messages that they that they've internalized in their life. So they I get them to breathe and empty their mind and clear their mind of the negative thoughts so that they have a sort of blank sheet of paper to start working from. And then I explain to them that their brain produces all their thoughts constantly in, and they aren't their thoughts, so they their personality or energy or whatever you want to call it is the observer of their thoughts. And actually a lot of them have never thought understood that before. So they believe that they are their thoughts. So we talk about that a little bit. And I once they can empty their mind, I get them to start to practice over the next few days and weeks, starting to observe their thoughts, but particularly the very first negative thought that they have. And often they wake up. What they tell me is that they wake up with that first negative thought. The moment they wake up. So we talk about how their brain is producing all these thoughts, positive thoughts, negative thoughts and random thoughts, and we work on them starting to observe. The first negative thought and. I don't ask them. Unlike positive psychology, I don't ask them to try and move that negative thought to a positive thought. I just say, see if you can find something completely neutral in your environment a cup, a lamp, a tree, anything that you can move that thought to. So observe it. See if you can move it to a neutral. And then I talk to them about how their thoughts create, how they feel. And so they start to think about or process that their thoughts are leading to their emotions. And then the final bit, which is when actually. It takes a few. It takes a few minutes to. Is the biggie really? Which is that we are all through our thoughts and our emotions, creating our experience in every moment.

Elisabeth Adams:
And that's, you know, a big coaching concept from the three principles, from Sid Banks, from Steve Hardison and so forth. And that is a massive thing for any one to take on board in, you know, especially in a difficult situation. So the way I tend to explain it, I tell them, you know, that's how it works and that's how your brain works and how we're all, you know, living through the filter, the lens of our thoughts and experiences. But how I describe it to them is, okay, you and I are going to go to the cinema, and I ask them if they like horror films. And actually, interestingly, there's probably a higher proportion of people who come to see me who do like horror films. I don't know how relevant that is. But anyway, and I say, we're going to go and sit in the dark together and we're going to watch a horror film. And, you know, if there was an alien looking at us, they would think that we were sitting in the cinema having exactly the same experience. But in fact, you and I know that if we went and sat in the cinema and watched a film together, we would have completely different experiences. You know, especially because I really hate horror films. And so we usually have a bit of a laugh at that point. And, um, and I sort of say, well, I would come out and say that was the worst film I ever saw, and you would come out probably and say, that was the best thing you ever saw. And, and, and that just is a bit more accessible for them to see that they, that I'm creating my experience and they're creating their experience and, and once that's the sort of aha moment normally um, and you know, and it doesn't always mean it doesn't I don't want to say it lands every time but it. If when people are receptive in this acute, even in this acutely mentally unwell state, it is true that they are only one thought away from feeling better. And that's what I see, is that, you know, I can in 30 minutes, I can give them a few pointers which are which are going to fundamentally change how they feel in that moment.

Elisabeth Adams:
And it seems, you know, for longer than that. Um. And then obviously give them some reading I've put in the chat. So for later some, you know, I send them away with some reading and some YouTube videos and things like that that they can then look at and also my contact details. Um. So, you know, that's the that's the nub of it.

Daniel Aaron:
Well that's awesome. And I'm going to actually since you mentioned it, I'm going to put in our comments right now those recommendations that you give. And you know, part of what I love about what you're saying here is. Well, there's a few things here. One I think is worth saying is you are able to give some practical advice. Some tools help people to one have a greater understanding of how reality works, how their brain works, and give them some things that they can do on their own to further that understanding. Right? That's part of what the observation is. And then practical steps for how they can actually feel better. And and I'm sure you know, well, one of the principles that we're always contending with, any of us, if we're going from dysfunctional to functional is what Martin Seligman called learned helplessness. Right? So, so many people that are suicidal and maybe all on some level, part of the reason for that is we've had some belief and I say we because we've all had despairing thoughts, you know, and we're not different than anybody. It's just it's just the situation, the the degree of it or the duration of it. But any of us in those despairing moments, we've had this thought that I can't do anything about this right. It's beyond my control. And I think part of what part of why it's so effective that in half an hour you can give them a practical understanding of their mind, how reality is created and practical things to do. Part of that is, again, because of the love and compassion you bring to it. And and I'm saying this also because part of what I know we both want to do here is empower more people to be effective in working with, whether it's somebody who's suicidal or our friend or our self, you know, just we all want to help those people around us. And one of the keys that you didn't say this, but I'm highlighting it now, though, is you can do all of that in part because you're not judging them, right? You're not condemning them. You're not saying, oh, you're not, you're not saying, poor you. You know, you're that's so rough that you've had all of this and, you know, you might have express compassion, but you're also empowering them and doing it in a way that respects them. And that's such a key component of this. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Elisabeth Adams:
Yeah. And I think and I have talked to several you know, other you know, we're on this ultimate coach group together. And I've talked to some other people about the same thing. And um, you know, actually they're not judging and not I mean, I think the important bit is, you know, not judging, really listening, not judging and not saying that they're wrong to feel how they feel and that. And not bringing really importantly, not bringing my own emotions or my own thoughts to it. Actually just letting them, just seeing them as as being innately absolutely fine and human and that they have everything within them that they need. And I'm just sort of pointing them in the direction in a way of how to access that. Um, because I think, you know, when I talk to a few people, you know, the what the way that you don't want to go is saying, oh, no, you're wrong or you're, you know, you're just being silly or belittling, you know, their feelings because actually they're in a very, very bad place. And and they feel. They all tell me that they feel very trapped. And I remember feeling like that. And that's the bit. And that's actually why they can't see a way out apart from death. Because they're in so much pain for, you know, all the different reasons that people have pain and and they can't see a way out. And one of the other things that I explained to them is that when we're in that state of distress, our minds are working at probably 50 or 60% less well than they are when we're calm and collected and relaxed and and, you know, when I practice, I mean, I still practice creating my day. And in fact, I create it. I create my morning, I create my afternoon, I create my evening because I find creating the whole day in one go, um, you know, is, is quite tough. And, um, and so when I'm explaining to them that I do this all the time and I'm creating, you know, my experience, I can say, you know, I often use examples like the different ways I could create my day. You know, I could create my day by coming in and it's raining and it's awful.

Elisabeth Adams:
And I hate my job and I hate all the people I work with. And I'm going to have a horrible day, and I don't want to speak to anyone, or I can sit in my car and create while it is raining. But I love all the people I work with. I love my job. I love my patients. I'm going to have a fantastic day, and I'm going to make sure I poke my nose out of the practice at lunchtime and walk around the block in the rain. Um, you know, and and I can demonstrate to them, look, both of those could be true. And, you know, and I could I'm creating my day one way and I'm creating it another way. And it's sort of just and I think these examples, which obviously Steve Hardison is brilliant at the distinction between things, those those distinctions really land because, you know, that that gives that's opening up in this acute setting where someone's acutely distressed, that's opening up the fact that there are other possibilities. So going back to the feeling trapped and no way out, and I must kill myself because I can't see any way out of this situation. You know, I've lost my job. I've lost my money. I've lost my family. I'm divorced. I'm this. I'm that, um, all of those things. Can be true. And. When we breathe. And step back and tune into. Um. You know, a better, a better part of our brain function that's relaxed. You know. Suddenly all sorts of other possibilities come through. And I think that's what I'm just trying to demonstrate to them that, you know, this, you know, there are other way possibilities that you could you could get through this situation.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. Okay. I, I must interject for a moment because there's a couple just so important things you said there. One just for anybody in the audience, whether you're listening live or by rebroadcast here. Elizabeth has mentioned already, and I've mentioned it to the community that we are together, a part of which is called the Ultimate Coach, and it is related to and somewhat derived from a man by the name of Steve Hardison, who was named by someone else, the ultimate coach. And he's really an extraordinary being. And there is a book written about him, despite the fact that he didn't want there to be a book which is entitled The Ultimate Coach. And and for anyone who wants to grow in their life, it's an incredible resource, and our recommendation always is always to read it or listen to it about oneself, rather than a biography about this dude named Steve. And now going beyond that for a moment, part of what you were speaking about there, Elizabeth, is. That the way I interpret it anyway, and see if this makes sense to you is part of what you're doing, is helping people get a little bit of space, right. And the way I think of it sometimes, like I remember when I had some acute mental health challenges many years ago and went into a clinical depression. One of the recommendations that came to me then was, well, you should be on medication, right? And this was early in the days of SSRIs and Prozac. And, and I had an instinct in me like, no, I don't, I don't want to do that. And, and I was lucky because I knew somehow innately in my bones that what I was going through was temporary. Right. And that's one of the things that is often not the case for someone who's suicidal is it doesn't feel like this is a temporary thing. It feels like this is going to be this way forever. And then I have colleagues in the natural health world, whether it's coaching or yoga, meditation, worlds that are really against medication. And, well, we know that there are alternatives to medication that can be really great, like meditation, exercise can replace and do a lot of the same work without the same negative consequences at the same time.

Daniel Aaron:
I'm not telling anybody what to do or not to do on that level. And one of the benefits that I see with medication sometimes is it's like. If we've had a lot of negative programing. We've been watching horror movies in our head our whole life. It's like we're driving down the road in a car that has really dirty windows, and we look out through the windows and of course, everything looks dirty, grimy and depressing. And so what? What medication can do if it's if it's used effectively is like, well, it just clears up the windows a little bit and you can start to see, oh, maybe there's another way of looking at things. And it sounds like that's part of what what you do for people is provide that just through your through your counseling, through your communion with them. I'll play Angel's advocate for a moment, though, because you you said how you were able to. You know, create your day and you say, okay, well, there's this scenario. I can look at it like this and I'm so lucky and I get to do this work and it's raining, but this or I could create it this way, that my colleagues are jerks and I don't like them. And I don't like this work. And it's raining. I don't get wet. Well, what do you say then to people that say, but my colleagues really are jerks and it really is horrible, right? That there's not two realities. This is the way it is. Does that make sense? What I'm.

Elisabeth Adams:
Asking? Yes. No, 100%. Um, so on that, um, I just well, I think sometimes the creating of other people that's not going to be in the 31st 30 minutes. And so. I mean, actually, I don't usually, um, especially seeing patients acutely. I don't usually argue with their story. Their story is what's happening to them at the moment. And, um, you know, and that's their reality. And all I'm trying to do that day, you know, in the first meeting, is to just open up possibility of, okay, you know, are there any other ways of looking at this? Are there any other thoughts that you could have? Um, you know, let's just step back from the thoughts and I sort of encourage them sometimes because they're often living in absolutely horrible messages and horrible, you know, the messages that they've had through their life from other people that they think are them and their self-talk is horrible and they're, you know, their negative thoughts are horrible. They're going to horrible places in their negative thoughts. I sometimes just the breathing and things is just to give them what I say is give. I give you permission to have a holiday from your negative thoughts so you can decide after, you know, after you leave here, you can say, you know, I'm going to have a couple of hours off these negative thoughts. You know, if you want to, you can just step back from and think, okay, I'm just going to think some neutral thoughts. I'm going to or I'm not going to think any thoughts, and I'm just going to let my mind freewheel, um, for a bit. Um, yeah. So, so I think that, um, I think that in the first. Bit of work. It's actually just getting them to observe. And then they actually generally. Come back and they and they have got got the concept of, of the creative process. You know, it's sort of that comes organically once they start to realize that they create their thoughts. Um, and you mentioned about medication and. I mean, I agree with you. I think that medication can be really helpful and there are a lot of different medications. And for example, if people aren't sleeping, aren't eating, and, you know, are in a distressed state where they're, you know, they can't really take anything in particularly, it's quite useful for them to start some medication for a short period of time.

Elisabeth Adams:
But what I always say to them is in the bad news, the medication is going to take the edge off how you feel. It's not going to change your thoughts. And you know, and they quick they actually, you know, human beings are intelligent creatures. You know, they they they understand that immediately. They say, no, of course it's not going to change my thoughts. So, so actually it's like carry on with the medication. That's fine. You know, the work of of looking at your thoughts and observing them and, and starting to flip them to a neutral thought and the breathing exercises. Um, that's, you know, that's what they need to do. And basically what I try and do is actually get them to do the exercises, the breathing and the observing the thoughts as often as they need to. And some people are doing it every hour. In the day. So actually, you know, they, they keep having to step back from, from the thoughts because the thoughts keep coming. So it's quite hard work. I mean it's hard work for them to, to do it. But but actually once they realize that they have that power and they have that ability in their heads to do in their brains to do that, I mean, you know, they just pick it up and run with it. It's amazing.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah. I mean, the the the instinct is so strong in all of us, not just to survive, but to grow and evolve. And part of what I hear that you're doing is, is really empowering people again, respecting them, seeing them as capable, loving them and giving them some tools that says, yeah, I can do something about this. So even if it's hard work for some of the more acute situations, well, there's motivation to do that. We all have greater motivation when we think there's hope, right? There's that great study about the rats, you know, who were put in the water, right? And the ones that didn't see any hope. They died really quickly, but the ones that had some hope given to them. I won't go into the whole study, but, you know, they could tread water, like for infinite hours because they had hope. And there's such that strong drive in all of us to to keep living. Right. The life force is powerful.

Elisabeth Adams:
Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
You know, and I love that you make that distinction, which I'll echo here, which is sometimes it's it's not reasonable, not likely to go from this really negative horrible to everything's positive. But we can go from here to something neutral. And you know, that's one of my favorite tools in yoga. And when we use breath in yoga, it's like you can be in a yoga pose that's really challenging. And then the mind will go like, oh, this is horrible. I don't like this. I can't do this. This is wrong. And the yoga, whatever the mind goes into and we might not be able to go to, oh, this is so great. I'm wonderful. Life is great. I'm so strong. But we can go to inhale and exhale, right. We always have that capability. It's a lot like, you know to take it to the woo woo side for a minute Abraham Hicks right. And you know she does Esther Hicks does such a great job of saying your job is just to to get to the next higher vibrational thought. You can right. And if you can go up a little bit, you're going to keep moving up that ladder.

Elisabeth Adams:
Mhm. Yes. Yes. And that's it. And I, I do also say to them you know I can't fish you out of the well we talk about how their thoughts are making them spiral down. And it's like going down in a well and um and then and I say look, you know, I'm, I'm here, but I'm standing at the top of the well and, and, you know. Unfortunately, I'd love to fish you out, but actually you have to climb up the side of the well, which is similar, and I'm standing at the top waiting for you.

Daniel Aaron:
That's beautiful. Well, there's so much more we could talk about. And and our time is going to run out soon. Elizabeth. Is there anything that that I haven't asked you that you'd like to share or that we've missed somehow you want to bring forward?

Elisabeth Adams:
Um. No, I think I think the only. The only other thing is about one of the ways of getting rid of their negative messages that they've had, and they I sort of describe it as a great big negative scarecrow. And that's just quite a useful concept that they've internalized a lot of negative messages about themselves from parents and teachers and grandparents and friends and ex-partners and partners and so forth. And I get them to write down their negative messages for me and try and write down underneath who who gave that to them. That's probably after the first. That's in the second or third meeting. So I don't get into that in the first meeting, but it's useful. To know that you know, to ask them, you know what, what their negative thoughts are and and their negative, negative voice in their head, what it's saying to them. And, and try and work out where that came from so that they can get rid of it and give it back. Because then they're actually starting to see that actually, you know, as a little innocent child, they didn't have any negative messaging. You know, they were just skipping along doing handstands. And and then at some point and I think it gets worse when, when children start school at some point, you know, they start to think all the things that they all the negative things that they think that they are. And so we try and get rid of that as well.

Daniel Aaron:
So powerful. And so I mean, that's such an important thing that's been part of my, my own journey as well, and something that I work with pretty much all my clients on at some point and really points to this. There's been this great sort of New Age debate for forever, which is, well, affirmations do they work right? And part of what what we've come to understand is, well, affirmations can be really useful. However, if underneath them is this negative self-talk, negative self opinion, self-recrimination abuse, whatever we call it, which is there. And pretty much everybody, anybody that's moved through childhood, through school, hood has gotten it to some degree and it's so powerful. It's what, you know, our our friend Steve Hardison, he says, if you don't take care of that negative messaging and negative self belief, you can try and create whatever you want. You can affirm whatever you want. However, it's putting frosting on poop, right? Or as I say, sometimes it's painting pink on rust. And the fundamental thing is we got to get clear on what's the self imaging and heal that. Forgive ourselves. And I love that you bring in and yeah. And who where did you get that message. Right. Just to make it even stand out more clearly.

Elisabeth Adams:
Mhm. Mhm.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. Okay. So we are about to finish up I'm going to with your permission ask you the last and big question. Would that be okay.

Elisabeth Adams:
Mhm. Go for it.

Daniel Aaron:
So this question is completely impossible because it's so big and you've got so much experience and wisdom which we've gotten a taste of today. And that means you can't go wrong. So the question is this given all that you know and you've experienced and what you share and help people with, if you were to boil it all down to what is the one thing that will help someone to have their most vibrant life, something they can do or not do? Think not think. What's the one piece of advice for how to live one's most vibrant life?

Elisabeth Adams:
So breathe and and create your your experience in every moment.

Daniel Aaron:
Wow. That's great. And for me as a practitioner and teacher of breathwork, as a tool and modality that's been so valuable for me. I love that you say that. Breathe and create your reality. Super powerful. Awesome. Elizabeth. Well, thank you so much for not just for being here with us, which is a gift, and sharing this and helping empower our audience and all of us to be more effective with the people we care about and whatever place they are on the spectrum of dysfunctional to extraordinary. We can all grow and do better, and we all grow and do better with love and with care in the ways you brought it forward. Thank you for the work that you're doing there. Like really in the trenches. You know, that's incredibly challenging and important work and making a huge difference. So thank you.

Elisabeth Adams:
No worries. Thank you know well thank you for having me on the program.

Daniel Aaron:
Total pleasure. And y'all, our guests, the audience, whether you're listening live or by rebroadcast. Thank you. Because you tuning in getting entertained we hope and educated, inspired and empowered you taking this information and applying it in your life, making your life better, that makes the world a better place. So I so appreciate you investing this time with us and thank you. See you soon. Make your life a masterpiece. Aloha y'all! Mahalo for tuning in to the Art of Vibrant Living show, y'all. I'm Daniel Aaron and may you live with great vibrancy.

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