Special Guest Expert - Amy Hardison: Video automatically transcribed by Sonix

Special Guest Expert - Amy Hardison: this mp4 video file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Daniel Aaron:
What does it take to create a vibrant, thriving life? First, the sad news is that Thoreau was right. Most people are leading quiet lives of desperation, lacking in meaning, fulfillment, and vitality. But we choose more. We choose to create extraordinary lives and the art of vibrant living. Show entertains you with inspiration, empowerment and education to create your life into a masterpiece. It's time. Let's vibe up. Aloha, y'all. Welcome to today's show. I am Daniel Aaron, your host. This is the Art of Vibrant Living show. And in case it's not super obvious, it is about you, your life, and you doing something extraordinary with it, which is living an extraordinary life. Living vibrantly. Yes, most people are living by default. You, though, are someone extraordinary. I know because you're interested in being here. And this is all about giving you the inspiration, the ideas and of course, though depends on you to take. Please would you commit right now to take one piece of information, one thing that inspires you? Today's show from today's show, which I guarantee you will be extraordinary. Take it and apply it in your life today. Part of how I know that today's show will be extraordinary is because our guest is phenomenal. Amy Hardison is is an author, a author of several books. She's a esteemed academic, and she's a mother who has not only. Been a mother, but she's really raised the game of mothering in terms of valuing it and holding the value of it, which is something that I think is beautiful and fantastic. And she has created her life in such an extraordinary way, developed some really profound principles for living an extraordinary life, and has a phenomenal ability to articulate that. And I could go on, but let me not go on. Let's let's hear from Amy much better that way. Amy, thank you so much for being with us.

Amy Hardison:
Thank you. I am honored to be here. Thank you for your very kind introduction.

Daniel Aaron:
Oh, a total pleasure. Just the tip of the iceberg. And on that note, though, since I have the advantage here over perhaps some of our audience in that I know you a little bit. I've read some of your work. I've heard you speak before. I know a little bit about you. Would you share, though, with our audience about, you know, who you are and what brought you to this point?

Amy Hardison:
So I guess I'm stopping for just a minute because it's like, who am I? And brought me to this point because there's so many roads that I've traveled on. It's like, and you mentioned and I feel really honored what you said about motherhood, because people will say, who are you? What do you do? And I say, I'm a mom. And then sometimes they'll be like, oh, but I thought you did this book, and I thought you did this. And I said, yes, but I was a mom first. That was my very first priority and always had been. And and what brought me to that? Simply living in a loving home. My parents were amazing. Family was everything. Our our growing up experience was totally sweet. And when you, you live that, it just seemed like the most natural thing to perpetuate that in. You know, when I grew up and I had my family, but then I also felt like being a totally dedicated mom, and I and I made the career choice to be a stay at home mom. But I also feel like you give out so much when you're a mom. You are always taking care of of other people, which I think is is an incredible growth line in a person's life, is to be focused on how do I help others and how do I bless others. But to do that, I also think you have to fill the well. So throughout my life as a mother, I was also a voracious reader. I also had my own things that I did and all of those contributed to. Also, I had been an English major in college and had written books along the way when I was expecting our fourth child. So this is 1986, 26 years old, having our fourth child, and I wrote a book at that time, and I got married in 1977. And that's just as the the women's movement was really hitting its stride. And one of the things that they kept saying is women, you don't have to waste your life anymore by staying at home and being a mom. Now you can do something important. Now you can go out and be a CEO.

Amy Hardison:
Now you can go out and have a career. And for those of us that live that they may well remember that there was a kind of a ugly underbelly of that that said, motherhood wasn't important. So my very first book was one that was entitled How to Feel Great About Being a mother. And I don't take any anything away from women who want a career, who those super women who can do both, which is just there's so much to do. But I am a strong advocate that motherhood is a viable career. And those that, for those that it calls to, it's also fulfilling. And it demands the best of you. You know, it's not just something you do because you couldn't do anything else. So that's been a very important part of my life. But like I said, even part of that throughout that was nurturing that little bit. That was still me as the individual, not me as the mother, me as the wife. And part of that was reading and writing and doing all that, that kind of intellectual growth and expression of creativity that a few years ago, when it became appropriate to write The Ultimate Coach. I'd been doing that kind of work all along the way. So it was something I could step into at the time.

Daniel Aaron:
Mm. Beautiful. Okay. Thank you. Well, so one thing I want to say on that and then I got another question for you is. My experience with parenting. I'll put it that way, being of a different gender myself, which has been very important for me and the first ten years of my daughter's life. I was the solo parent for her is that it has the potential, at least to embody, I think, one of the most important principles for vibrant living, for extraordinary living, which is developing the capacity to serve, to contribute, to prioritize someone else's well-being, not to the exclusion of our own, but above our own in certain ways. And you know, there are a catch phrases out there. You know, the secret to living is giving. And Albert Schweitzer said something about, you know, I don't know who amongst you will be happy, but it will be the ones who find a way to serve. So I think there's something hugely important about that. And and of course, it's undervalued in our culture a lot. And, and yeah, the era you were speaking about the era of era right at the end of the 70s, that was a pendulum swing period, saying, okay, we were obviously very dysfunctional in terms of the way we were disempowering women. So yes, the pendulum needed to swing to a greater level of empowerment, and maybe we lost some things in that. Would you say any more, though, if you can, about what? What is the value and the importance of that sort of service or prioritizing of other people? Because I feel like that's something you embody and something that you brought forward with, with mothering specifically?

Amy Hardison:
Well, I think the that parenting is such an amazing miracle. Like, you think about it and you think about the love that a parent has for their child. And it's like it is bigger than anything you can quantify. You know, it's like this. You you get this little being placed in your arms and it's like immediately it's like, oh my goodness, I didn't know it was possible to love this much. And you have all of this love, which is probably a good thing because you then get no sleep. You know, your whole life is spent on someone else and I and it's it never ends. You know, people will say, what are you or what do you do? And I'll say, I'm a stay at home mother. And they'll say, how old are your kids? I'll say 44, 42, 30, 39 and 35. And they'll look at me like, I thought you were a stay at home mom. And it's like, oh, yeah, I'm still really busy. Not like I'm involved in their lives, in reliving my life. But now they're like, my kids are such close friends. We love to be together. We love, you know, we're texting, we're talking. My son calls me at my sons call me when they're in the car, driving around to their business appointments or driving home just to touch base and and the sweetness of of having put the years in, of parenting and doing the hard work when they're young kids so that by the time they're adults that you can just be good friends is really, really sweet. But you spend years and years and years of just totally getting yourself out of the way and taking care of other individuals, other people. And it just so happens you love them more than anyone else in the whole world. And if you could ask someone and say, okay, here is one of the career options you have becoming the most loving being possible. You know, it's like, would people sign up for it? I don't know, I don't know if they'd say no. I want something that has a little bit more social clout to it or no, I want something that pays better.

Amy Hardison:
But when you ask people what's important about life, don't they say, you know, learning how to love? You know, what do I want out of life? I want to be able to learn the art of loving. It's like we'll sign up for parenting because it's that course of self-sacrifice. It's that course of giving everything for someone else. Few weeks ago, a month or so ago, I was being interviewed by a journalist for fortune magazine because I happen to find myself on the leaderboard for the Rejuvenation Olympics kind of roundabout way, and I won't go into all of it. But as we had our interview at the end, she was just like, what? Do you have anything else to say? And it had been about growing older and taking care of your health so that your health, that you are vibrant at the end of your life. And and I said, yes. I said, life is wonderful. Being old is wonderful. Aging is wonderful. We don't always talk about that. In this society that puts so much importance on youth and the vigor of youth and the beauty of youth and all of that, I said, growing old is wonderful. If you've done the work along the way, which includes healing any of the wounds that you may have from childhood, but it also includes living a life that's bigger than just you, and then also creating relationships that really matter, that you you have invested the time of loving and spending time with people. And to me, you just what are those things? It's parenting. It's family. So family is everything to me. And I also recognize at the same time, not everyone comes from a family that is really functional. In fact, I probably was an exception. You know, more people have stuff to deal with. So I hate to put this out like this is the only way to do it, but I do stand that family is the way that refines the soul, because you're taking all of these really elevated principles that we talk about. You know, if you're into a course of enlightenment, whether it's going to be something like Byron Katie or the forum or whatever, and all the purpose is, is really personal enlightenment and it's like, okay, sign up for parenting because you're going to learn a whole lot and it will push you.

Amy Hardison:
You kind of and once you get in here, you kind of don't have a choice. You know, it's kind of like babies cannot survive without you. And but what's great, like I said, is what happens in your heart for that moment that propels you through the adventure of parenting and just gets sweeter. And it's hard. And we didn't do it perfectly.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. Well, and I'd be remiss if I didn't highlight and comment on, you know, as you as you gave the dates earlier about, you know, when you were married and first child and, you know, like, and then to look at you now and the vibrancy and beauty that you carry, the youthfulness that you carry about you. Right. That's extraordinary. So I'm happy to hear that you're being recognized for that in such a public way, and that you're teaching about that and, and really thrilled with part of what you're teaching about that, as I'm understanding, is it is about loving right and about family. That that's what is that right. Would you say that's a key to your youthfulness is family, mothering, love?

Amy Hardison:
Yes.

Daniel Aaron:
Yeah.

Amy Hardison:
Yes. Yeah. That's beautiful. It's having some. It's it's doing something that you think matters. You know, it's like what matters to you. You know what? What can you give your life to that gives something back in satisfaction and personal growth? You know, because you can give your life to something. And, um, the reward is immediate, like the the reward is money or the reward is whatever. But what I'm talking about is something that that gives itself back so that it. Let's see. You know what? We'll just stop there. It's not making any sense. So.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, you know, part of part of what I hear when you say that is or what came to mind for me is some years ago somebody interviewed me for their was it Self Care Summit or something like that. And, and before I agreed to it I said are you are you, are you sure you want me for that? I don't think I'm very good at self care. And and they said, well, you know, you, you seem to have plenty of energy. And so I was like, oh okay. Well I've thought about that. And my conclusion was, the best thing that I do for self care is, is I keep finding purpose, I keep finding something that motivates me. And and the purpose that really matters is always something beyond myself. So that's kind of the part of the sense that I make of what you said. Yes. Well, let's switch gears though, and I think maybe a bridge here is you mentioned a little while ago the, the book The Ultimate Coach and what I know about that, and that's how we met. And I'm sure some of the people tuning in know you from that world and in some ways a world that in many ways a world that you really created and what I know, and I'll just put this forward and tell me if it feels accurate. That was also a labor of love, the creation of that book for you. The way I heard it, you spent 18 months working through a really huge stack of interviews and information to put something together, which from from my experience and the experience I've heard from many, many people now, is not just a book. There's something powerful and magical about it, something that really conveys and carries an energy beyond what a typical book is. So does that square with your experience and what would you say about it? And yeah, I could say more, but that's enough.

Amy Hardison:
So, um. Sometimes when you get to be 63, then you forget the names. Alan Thompson I was going to say you forget names of people you really know, like your kids. So it's like it goes with everyone. So Alan Thompson contacted Steve and wanted to write a book about him. And Steve was like, no, no, no, I'm not into that. I don't need that. But Alan was persistent and it took years. And finally he called and he said, Steve, last night I was nudged by God, I need to write this book. So we looked at each other, we talked about it, and we said, okay, let's try it. He's been he's been trying to do this for a long time. And Alan spent hundreds and hundreds of hours interviewing Steve's clients, friends, family members, all kinds of people. He computerized and and compiled all of Steve's social media comments. He just he did a ton of work, and he told us at the time, he said, if I create this and you don't like what it is, you can put it on a shelf. You don't have to do anything with it. If I create this and your wife wants to take it and just rewrite it, be my guest. And I thought, that's not happening. I have no interest in doing this. None whatsoever. I was working on my own projects, and Alan did an amazing job, and I could never have interviewed all of those people, and I would have felt funny calling him and saying, here, tell me about my husband. So he did all of this work, and he sent us his first draft and he did a great job. But as I read it, I thought, this story has to be told by someone who knows the inside. Someone who only sees the outside, does not know the heart of Steve Hardison, and they don't know the struggles and the times that, you know, he nearly collapsed in his progress of life where he had significant setbacks. And that's the story that's interesting. The story that's interesting for human beings is how does someone overcome really difficult things to do something amazing. And Alan didn't know all the hard things.

Amy Hardison:
And then just having not lived with, you know, I knew Steve's mom. We were the her only child and daughter in law that lived in Arizona and for a lot of years. And I spent a lot of time with her and and I wanted to make sure we got that right. So after I read it, it was like, oh, someone that's on the inside needs to write this, and I think it's me. And I was not excited about it. And so I agreed to do the life history part. And as. I can remember sitting with my sons and my. Both of them read the rough draft up to that point, and so we had it. We have the life history. Then we kind of have Steve as a coach, and as Allan had it, he just had he had lots of people's experiences, but they weren't in a chapter form with kind of a narrative that linked them all together. And my son suggested, he said, I really think you need to carry on this narrative. And I about started crying right there in the restaurant. It's like I did not want to do this. By this point, I had already spent three months working on the life history, and I knew what it took. When he said that, I, I felt overwhelmed knowing that this would now take another year. And and I was I was working six days a week, eight hours a day to do this. In fact, the first month I probably worked 12 hours a day for six days a week because I thought I could get finished if I did that. And then when I realized this was going to take another year, I just about started crying. But at the same time, I knew that I needed to do it. And so it was just kind of being willing to step into it, going, this is the right thing. I knew it in my heart. I knew it in my gut. It's like, this is what I need to do. Crap. You know, I really don't want to do it. But once I started, it also got really fun. And and it was a lot of work.

Amy Hardison:
It's the writing. It was just such a big project. So in a way, I kind of put everything on my life on hold, didn't take on anything extra and and kept anything else very minimalized so that I could work. And and Steve was cute and he was supportive and he did the grocery shopping and he'd come in and say, you know, what do you want to eat? And so he picked up a lot of the slack so that that I could do it. And it was a huge project, but it was also really fun to be able to look inside and think, what do I need to share the world with the world about who Steve is with the amazing human being he is, where he touches lives, and it was really fun to be able to create that and to have something that's accessible, even as it is. So it doesn't kind of really live up to who Steve is that he's he's even more amazing than the book. But it is as close as I could come to creating who he is.

Daniel Aaron:
Mm. Well that's beautiful. And I think part of what you shared in that is really akin to what we were speaking about in terms of parenting and motherhood, which is you accepted something that was beyond yourself, and you knew that this was a service that would benefit others. Maybe, maybe it came with a little more reluctance than your children. Your biological children did. But in many ways it sounds like it was. It was another child that you birthed. And as you want to say something about that.

Amy Hardison:
I was going to say, however, like I had written two other books up to this point, but they were not the same genre. It was. It was a very different kind of writing. So as I am going through writing it, I am also reading books about writing. Steve. Thank you. I am also writing reading books about writing, and changed even my style of writing to hopefully make it more accessible and readable. And I'm going through this thinking many times. I don't know if I have it, I don't know if I have the ability to write what needs to be told. I don't know if I'm good enough to do this. All I know is I can do the best I can do. And as we got where I it wasn't the first draft, but as I got real close, it wasn't finished. Steve wanted to share it with a lot of people and get feedback, and I hated to do it because I'm like, but it's not finished. I don't want anyone to see it until it's as good as I can possibly make it. And Steve was insistent, and I'm so glad he was, because the feedback I got was was so, so valuable and helped polish it up. But we shared it with a woman that is absolutely beautiful and wonderful and talented, and she's a writer and a screenwriter and an editor and does a lot of things, has a lot of experience. And we, you know, when she came over and shared with us what she thought, she was so kind and she was so gracious that it took me till the next morning to realize that she kind of said, this is a nice book, but it's not quite professional enough. And like I said, she was so gracious about it. It took me a while to even figure out that was her message. And when I got it and she felt like she could bring that element to it to help put it to that level. And so then I was having to choose between, okay, do I want to bring someone on board, but kind of feel like it's not my book anymore, or do I try to correct what's there or or is it okay the way it is, but that the day when I realized, here's this professional telling me it's good but not good enough.

Amy Hardison:
I was so sad. And by the time we had dinner that night, I just kind of flopped on the counter and started crying. And, um, and I said, I've done the best I could. I have worked so hard and it's not good enough. And for me, at that point, it felt like it was just one more in a long series of things in my whole life that it was like, good, just not good enough. And we had talked a little bit by by email, by the questions about this imposter syndrome that is so familiar to so many people. I'm not sure I would even call mine impostor. It was just really dealing with, I don't know if it's good enough. And um, thank goodness there were some other people who were professional editors. One was as a professional journalist who saw it and, and suggested some tweaks and some and some changes. And the first one was Stephanie Wong, and she was so gentle. Generous with her time. And the other one.

Daniel Aaron:
Victor was.

Amy Hardison:
Victor Bock. And he he sent me like 50 pages of of things that I could correct. And while the first editor was absolutely amazing and we could have gone that route this way, it really felt like it was my book. You know, they they're like, look here, do a few things here. But I did all of the work. There are other times where I feel like I really can step into the imposter syndrome. So I think the book was already out, but I was talking with our editor, Chris Nelson, and he said something and my response is like, yeah, but I'm not a real writer. And he says, what do you mean you're not a real writer? And I'm like, well, I'm not writing every single day. If once the book's done and I'm and I'm not like sitting around thinking, okay, what's my very next book I'm going to write? And he just started laughing and he said, I think you can consider yourself a real writer. And I think it's it's. It's I don't know if it's universal, but a lot of people do experience that imposter syndrome where it's like, I'm not really as smart as everyone thinks, or I'm not really as talented or really as capable. And it's interesting because I recently read. A book. And the title right now is leaving is Leaving Me. So it's a business book writer, and he was excellent, but he brought up this imposter syndrome, and he said, maybe it's not such a bad thing as we always think about it, because it kind of drives us to work hard and to be better. And I've thought about it and I thought, I'm not sure that the oh, it's Adam Grant. Adam Grant in the book was think again. And I thought, it's a really interesting thing to sit with and think, where has the imposter syndrome compelled me to to work harder, be more, be humble. You know, there's things you let in when you're humble that you may not if you think, oh, I've got this covered. But I think the best thing about it is when you realize that at least half of the people out there feel it takes off all the pressure. You know, when you when you realize, oh, this is a human being experience. It's it's not just me that I'm not good enough. That's the way a lot of us bring approach life. And then you can just kind of let it go. You go. Yeah, there it is again. You know, there it goes. So the whole book, though, was a stretch for me. And there were a lot of moments. Until after the book started receiving really positive feedback. Positive reviews that I even started to think, okay, maybe, maybe I was good enough to write it, or maybe I did a good enough job with it.

Daniel Aaron:
Well thank you. That's it's beautiful to have the insight into your journey because I'm. I'm with you from the outside. People don't know what the challenges as you were describing it. I think of the hero's journey in the way Joseph Campbell describes it, which I won't go into, of course. But, you know, to get to that point where, like, am I good enough? Can I do this? And to really, genuinely struggle with that? And part of what came to me is the feedback you described getting from the first professional that gave you that feedback. You know, it's good, but maybe not good enough that she was so kind about the way she gave the feedback that even though you were on the edge, it allowed you to still feel good enough about yourself that you were able to stay in the game with it. I remember one of my writing teachers saying years ago, her definition for a a good teacher in whatever field is that after you spend time with them, you want to do that thing more, right? You know, whether it's writing or skiing or surfing, whatever, that there's at least enough encouragement that you believe in yourself to overcome that imposter syndrome. So, and let me mention.

Amy Hardison:
Just real quickly that you brought up the hero's journey with Joseph Campbell. Yeah. And I and you brought up earlier where you said, you know, it's interesting kind of the phenomenon that goes on with the book of, of really the openings that creates for people and what's kind of happening where, you know, it's more than a book, you know, there's there's a little bit of a movement going on with it. And I would say part of that is because Steve lives the hero's journey and, you know, the the beginning with the, the challenges that he had early on in his life and all the things that he overcame and the search, I mean, it just it really follows that pattern. And there's a couple of reasons why that's there. Obviously, the biggest one is because and this was totally Steve, because I'm just looking inside looking what is the story that I need to tell to to explain Steve, to explicate Steve of who he is to the world, you know, to anyone who's going to read this. Um, and it was Steve that said, no, this is about who the reader is. And it was Steve that came up with here. Here are the questions that need to be on the back here. Here's an introduction that we need. And that's the thing that has created the book being what it is. But I think the thing right next to it is Steve has has lived the hero's journey, and the challenges that he's had, has had to overcome to become who he who he is. You know, it's really remarkable what he has done. So there is that and there's the other element with the book that I can remember my sister read and she read it and she said, wow, you were really open. And I felt like that was really important. I felt like it was really important for people not to see this perfect marriage, this perfect, um, this, you know, this perfect coaching experience for this guy just, you know, knows how to coach from the time he's five. But to see the struggles of life, because everyone has those struggles and everyone has the things they have to overcome. And if you just read this perfect story, it's like, how interesting is that? It sounds like a fairy tale. I want the real life, you know, the the blood and the, you know, the the tough things that that are universal and everyone's are different. But the fact that we go through hard things and have to overcome hard things is universal. And I felt like being able to tell that story honestly and openly, trusting in the reader to bring to to listen with compassion and without judgment is also what makes the book have the, the, the effect that it does.

Daniel Aaron:
That's. Yeah, that's beautiful. As you say. What it reminds me of is one of my favorite lines from The Course in Miracles is it is in our vulnerability that our power lies. Right. So your generosity of saying, I want to, I want to share the real story and the challenges and and not just the parts that might be acceptable. I think one, it gives you a power. It shows your acceptance of that, which, of course was key for overcoming some of the challenges that you shared about there. And I'm I'm with you in terms of the a big part of the power for the reader or the listener is seeing this hero's journey enacted and of course, automatically and of course, the. Questions that are in the book. How does this apply to me as the reader or the listener? Adds to it. But of course, the reader or the listener is going to be, in a sense, hypnotically teleported into the experience of this hero's journey and automatically applying it to themselves and seeing asking what else is possible for me? How can I overcome in my life? So I'd better step back for a second and say, because in case somebody is with us who's like, well, what are they talking about? So this is this is a book that Amy wrote called The Ultimate Coach. And amongst others, it's affectionately known as The Book of Being because it's really more of a book for the the reader or the listener in terms of their own being. While on on the surface, it's a biography of Amy's husband Steve, who had an incredible life and overcame a tremendous amount and has become known as the ultimate coach and has served many people in an extraordinary way. So that's on the surface, what the book is about, and Amy has just shared a deeper level with us about what her experience was, which is beautiful, too, because I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't have known that there were so many challenges for you along the way. Now, lest I ask more about that, because, you know, we could go down that road further. You kind of popped up the topic of imposter syndrome and tantalized us with the the belief you had at one point. I'm not a real writer who's who's had statements like that. What would you like to share? Because I know you've thought a lot about the questions that I asked you before. Where would you like to go?

Amy Hardison:
You know, I have 1 or 2 stories that I'd like to share. That meant a lot to me. And one of them is that you asked about belonging, and I loved it. And I'm just looking here at, um, because I wanted to get. Okay. Just wanted to get my note of where it was. Okay. And I love the concept of belonging. I just think it's so powerful. And, you know, I've often thought about it, and it's like in a marriage, you know, it's like Steve and I belong to each other. We have we are that inner circle that is uniquely us, that no one, you know, it's just it's ours. And it includes as much as little things. If I were driving home and I got a flat tire, or if I ran out of gas, I could call my neighbor and maybe she would come help me if she was available. Or you could flag someone down that's a stranger on the road, and maybe they would help you. But if I call Steve and I'm in trouble, it's like he's going to be there. I know that, you know, it's like we belong to each to each other in such a way that I can count on him, and and he can count on me. But belonging keeps, you know, it expands, I think, of what it is to belong with my family, to belong with my siblings and my nuclear family. What it belongs is for me to belong in the community. That's the church that I go to. The belonging that comes with that is so rich and so sweet or or the belonging even of a book group. Or it could be the people you work out with, you know, at CrossFit or whatever it is. But having this group of people where you're tied by common interests to deep love, to, you know, in a marriage or you're legally bound to each other, but you have all of these amazing ties that allow you to belong to each other. And last year in September, my older sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. And I remember a couple experiences with belonging because I know you know my sister, her very first circles, her husband, then her children.

Amy Hardison:
But I knew I was in the next circle. I was in the sibling circle, and that meant I could show up and and do anything that that came to my heart to do. You know that we belong to each other. And it felt like, you know, she's going through this really difficult experience, and I'm going through it with her because we belong to each other and we love each other. And, um, her daughter in law. So my, my nephew's wife had really, really long hair. And when my sister started losing her hair, she looked into it and she talked to my daughter. It was, this is Tiffany. And it was mostly Tiffany's idea, but my daughter helped her and she was going to cut off her hair and to have it be made into a wig for my sister and everyone in the family. They gave us the opportunity to donate to help make this wig. And my sister, they could have paid for the wig, but this way my sister was going to feel the love of the family every time she put the wig on. She had obviously lost her hair through the the radiation and the chemotherapy. And one day my daughter just texted me and said, here's the people that have already responded. And there were a lot of people that, you know, gave $100 here and there. But the amount that meant the most to me was the $1.52 that our granddaughter Everest, wanted to give. She was seven years old. That's all the money she had. And I think she maybe did some jobs to get get some more money, money. But she wanted to give everything she could to Aunt Melinda because she loved her, you know, and and my daughter Lil and again, my, my niece, they got together and everyone wrote things on hearts and they had them all around her kitchen when she walked in after her, one of her first big appointments. That and she just walked in and I have a video of her just breaking down in tears because. The people that belonged to her were there and loved her. And and that to me is what belonging is, you know, it's how do you get through life?

Amy Hardison:
Life has enough hard things in the best of lives that we have to rely on each other. You know, it's it's that being supportive of one another with hearts and souls that takes the burden off of solely yourself. And, you know, I just I don't know how you would do it without people that you love. And that was a great example. Just. And there was another thing that that you asked about that I thought would be really fun to share because the question was, how do you help individuals develop greater self love and acceptance? And just a week ago, I was asked to speak in our church for a group of about 100 girls that were from 8 to 10 years old. And I thought about this a lot, and I ended up getting this beautiful picture of my granddaughter, and I blew it up into a poster size, and I laminated it, and then I cut out all these little blobs out of colored paper, and I laminated those. And when I was with the girls, I told them that I showed them this beautiful picture of my granddaughter, and I told them that they were beautiful. But sometimes in life, as we go through life, people will say things and we get hurt by things that people will do and it can be very painful. And I said, you know, sometimes they may say something like, I don't like you or I don't want to have you in my group anymore or whatever. And then I asked the girls to share what they what people said, and it was actually heartbreaking how in tune they were with the mean things that people can say, you know, things like, you're ugly. I don't, you know, I don't like you, you're no good. And and every time they would share one of these statements, I would cover up the picture with one of these circles of construction paper. So by the time they had said 20 or 30 things, I said, look, now you can't see how beautiful she is anymore. And so we talked a little bit. I didn't have really very long with them, but we talked a little bit about thoughts and, and the important things that, that these, these little blobs represented, the critical things that people say to us, but also the things that we say to ourselves.

Amy Hardison:
So if we want to get rid of these little blobs, we have to change the thoughts that we have. And again, these are only eight year olds to ten year olds. But I committed them. And we shared with them that each morning when they woke up, they would say, good morning, I love you. And then they'd get on their knees and say, good morning, Heavenly Father, I love you. Help me love myself today. And then I asked them that throughout the day, every time they looked in the mirror, whether they had gone to the bathroom or washing their hands, or walking by a hall mirror or even a, you know, a classroom where you'd see glass and it would reflect them. But every time they did that to say, look at themselves and say, you're amazing. And then I asked him and said, if they catch themselves. So they're saying something to themselves that were not that was not kind and didn't feel good to them that they would say, oops, I forgot who I am, I'm amazing. And then I had each of the girls come up and say something that was amazing about them, and each time they did, we took off one of the little blobs. So by the end they could see my beautiful granddaughter again and they could see their beauty. But one of the things that was really touching to me is later one of these little girls came up to me and says, you know, those mean things. She said. People really did say those to me, and I kind of figured that out, but that she shared that it was just such a tender moment and a tender awareness that it can be tough to be a human being. And sometimes we look at kids and we think they don't have mortgages, they don't have, you know, all of these things that we deal with adults, but they deal with their level of difficult things and not being accepted by other kids at school or, or even just all the pressure that's put on them as they grow up socially, by, by their peers is equivalent to having a mortgage as an adult and the different challenges that they have. And so I think if we're going to have greater love and greater acceptance, we have to look at what do we say to ourselves?

Amy Hardison:
What do we say to ourselves? If someone else, as adults were mostly better? You know, we mostly don't come out and say insulting things. We've kind of learned that, um, I would hope most of us have learned that, and but we still can say them to ourselves. And so it's just so important that we're kind to ourself, so important that we recognize that the times that, um, what we're thinking is where our pain is coming from. So I think it's an important part to understand that, that if I were to share with you, when people ask me, what's the most your most important principles of life, what do you live by? The thing I say without even thinking is kindness. To me, kindness is just is fundamental. It is so important. But we have to be kind to ourselves too. And too often we can be kind to other people and not kind to ourselves. And and that's the very first place for self love and self acceptance.

Daniel Aaron:
That's that's beautiful. I love I love that story. And, you know, part of what comes to me is, well, one, how precious and beautiful that these young girls can get. Not not just the message, but the sort of graphic illustration with, with the with the picture and the covering it up and really get to understand it. And you know how many people don't get that and. You know I'm with you. What children experience. It's easy to think. Well, yeah, they have it easier. I think sometimes my. I have a daughter who's in high school and we were speaking. You and I were speaking earlier, Amy, about about introversion. And I think what her experience must be like now. She goes to school and she's she's around literally hundreds of kids all day, all of whom have all their own stories and all their different conditioning. And that's like swirling around her the whole time. And at the end of the day, she comes home and sometimes she's grumpy. And now I think, well, no wonder. I mean, goodness, what she's dealt with all day, that's so intense. Um, so and you pointed out that mostly as adults, we're probably hopefully we're not saying those insulting things that were more common on the school ground, though. There's a lot of a lot of I forget this sometimes that. So you and I and some of the people that might be tuned in here have had experiences or training in questioning our thoughts and learning how we can punish ourselves with our thoughts. But that may not be obvious for everybody. Like there's a real that's a specific learning and skill set to develop that. Um, so I guess I'm curious, I don't know, is there more you can say about that, questioning our thoughts or developing loving thoughts for adults specifically?

Amy Hardison:
Yes. And I'm trying to think of. Oh, and her name. Oh, gosh. It's not coming to me right now, but she's the one. She has a Ted talk, and I had read her book. I didn't know about the Ted talk, but maybe it was even called Good Morning, I Love You. It could have been that if you do the Ted talk, I know you can find it, but she's like a. Neuroscientists, you know, so she works with the brain. And it was so interesting that her whole program was how important it was to be kind to ourselves. And I have to say that for me, I grew up in a home where my parents weren't critical. You know, they really accepted who we were. And we have six kids in my family of origin, and we're all different. And we were all adored and loved by my parents just the way we were. Um, and they didn't. I mean, I have a brother who's, um, an astrophysicist who got his undergrad at Caltech and his PhD at Stanford. And then I have another brother who preferred more of a, um, like he managed the all the communication systems in a hospital, but, like, really different work. And it was like they were both absolutely amazing, wonderful. And whichever path they wanted to do was totally fine. So if you have the privilege to be raised by people who aren't critical, I think it's easier to not be critical of yourself. And you can't do a whole lot about that. You know, you're born into that. So either you got it or you didn't. So if you got it, I think it's a little bit easier to be kind to yourself. And if you didn't, you're just going to have to work a little bit harder and you're going to have to watch every time you say something that's painful for yourself. And you can. There's so many great things, like Byron Katie's work, to help you turn that around and have access to loving to loving feelings. Um, but it is that sort of thing that if you get it, it's easier to not be critical of other people. And if you're not critical of other people, it's kind of easier to not be critical of yourself. So it's a state of being that blesses people around you and blesses yourself at the same time. But it can be a lot of work if you grew up with a lot of criticism, but doable.

Daniel Aaron:
Possible, and and one might say essential, valuable, and 100% relate to what you said. I grew up in polar opposite family to what you describe as yours. I didn't know that that was possible in my family. It was all sarcasm. It was all, you know, tearing people down. And, you know, and bless my parents because that's just the best. They knew that's what they had available to them. So it took a lot of work for me to say, oh, there's a different way of being, oh, maybe sarcasm isn't the way to communicate. And I remember years later when I got into yoga and really studied the philosophy of it. One of the central precepts of yoga is called ahimsa, which could be defined as do no harm. But maybe more accurately, is do give as much love as you can. Or as the Beatles say. In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make, right? And and underneath that is the basic spiritual concept that, well, the person out there isn't any different than you, it is you. And so if we can train ourselves to be loving and kind, then not only does that change ourself, change the other person, it changes the world. I think it was. Was it the Dalai Lama who said my religion is kindness, right. And there's just so much value in that. And I forget sometimes when I look in my world, because I've kind of curated my world to be around people that I resonate with in a certain way, though, that's not necessarily the way it is in the world. This is going to be a bit of a weird question, and feel free to dismiss it if you want. But where do you think we are in the world's evolution? Like, I have this hope that we're on the precipice of evolving to a higher level of kindness and love, and that this old way of being, of of tearing people down or even physical violence is is falling away. Do you think I'm overly idealistic? Where do you think we are in that?

Amy Hardison:
I love to read and I love history and reading. A lot of history from ancient history, even just up through American history. And I mean, just all of it. I think we've made a lot of evolution, a lot of evolutionary changes. You know, I think we are at an incredible place that there used to be a lot of the things that we consider violence, and they're out of the norm, used to be more normal, you know, as part of just wars and stuff. But I think we're at a difficult place with the where the communication is 24 over seven for for television coverage. And there's so much communication that we're aware of the, of the man's inhumanity to man. And then the more that gets. Broadcast, the more it seems like it's the the way it is. So I think I think in general people, we are getting better, we're doing better, but it doesn't feel like it. And, you know, it's a difficult time, I think right now in the world where there's a lot of warring and a lot of, um, polarization in the world. And so it's there's a little bit of both going on. I think it's a really tense time, a really difficult time. But I think we have evolved in a lot of ways, um, where there's a civility, there's a yearning for light and, and, and transformation this really good. Um, so both are developing at the same time. Yeah. Yeah.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful. Nicely said. Um, so time is flying along here, and I'll have a big final question for you in a little bit. I'm curious, though, is there anything that I haven't asked you or anything that you would love to share in our last little bit of time?

Amy Hardison:
You asked, you said, what are some of the spiritual practices that you can recommend for cultivating a deeper connection to self and others? And this is just a quick one as I thought about it. But I mean, obviously when we've talked about is getting rid of judgment as much as possible, both for yourself and you, because how you're judging yourself can get in the way of seeing other people, especially if you start comparing yourself or whatever, which ends up where you don't get to really see the other person. But sometimes and we talked about this being an introvert, and I will claim being an exceedingly outgoing introvert, but an introvert nonetheless. And so sometimes I will be with with people or with a big group of people and, and find myself. Sometimes not feeling like that sense of belonging, which is can be totally crazy because they can be my group, my tribe. And yet I could feel this moment of not belonging. Or sometimes I'm just with it. And so I do it. Sometimes out of creating something that's missing for me. Or sometimes I just do it. So it's not like like I could be with. Last week, I was with my older brother, who was diagnosed with a malignant tumor in his kidney, and he's having some other health issues. And I was with him and I just thought, this is my brother. I love him so much, and I get to be here this moment with him. And it's such a privilege. Or maybe I'm in a group of people and I'm talking to someone. I'll just think I love this person so much. And those feelings of not quite belonging can totally just float away, because it's replaced with something that's more true for me. And that is the connection we have with with each other, with human beings, with the love that we can have and have access to. We just sometimes forget it.

Daniel Aaron:
That's beautiful. Well, and what it points to, which to me is something so simple, so easily forgotten, and yet so powerful, which is it's easy to just focus on someone else. And I know, like my introversion at times of my life was also shyness. And I remember one of my teachers saying to me once, well, your shyness is really selfishness. And I was so offended by that at first until I stopped and thought of it. I said, oh yeah, that's totally accurate, you know, because who was I thinking about when I was being all shy? It wasn't the person in front of me, you know. So I love what you said because it's like if you're feeling not belonging and you focus on your brother or the person you're with and find the appreciation for the the extraordinary blessing and opportunity to be with that person, right? The belonging disappears or the lack of belonging, the feeling of not belonging disappears.

Amy Hardison:
And the reality is the love is already there. You're just reminding yourself because other thoughts got in the way. So it's just really being present to to what you already have and what you already know. But and maybe life is set up so that we don't go through life in awe every single minute of the day because it would be hard to get anything done. But it is about accessing those moments of awe. You know, those moments of I am with this person. I'm with Steve. I love him more than any other human being in the world, and I get to be with I get to eat dinner with him, you know? And it's like just accessing that moment can shift everything, you know.

Daniel Aaron:
That's beautiful. I love it, thank you. All right, well, I think it's time for me to ask you the big final question, which is is completely impossible. It's so big, there's no way you could ever answer it. I will do my best to. So that also means you can't get it wrong. So is that okay? Can I ask you the big final question?

Amy Hardison:
Absolutely.

Daniel Aaron:
Okay, so you've got so much experience. You've shared so much with us already on on this show today. If you had to boil all of that down and offer one thing to our audience, the one thing that will help them to live their most vibrant, thriving life, what's that one thing?

Amy Hardison:
I today. That's like a question. I could answer it differently every single day, but if I were to answer it today, I'd say find your passion. Find who you are. What? What has you alive? Which what is it that you're amazing at and offer it to other people? You know. Do I say it this way? Find your passion. Lay it on the altar. Which means put it there for so that it helps other people. And then turn it over to God. Like, just trust in the trust the system. Trust that how your talents will be expressed and how they will be used, and how other people will be blessed by it will just open up and it will just happen. So it's like, but the thing that I'm trying to point to is everyone's going to have different strengths to share. Everyone's going to have different abilities that will make a difference for someone else. So don't try to be someone else. Be who you are. Live for to make other people's lives better, and then just trust in the process. Don't try to force it, you know. Just let it unfold in a beautiful, natural way.

Daniel Aaron:
Beautiful I love that. And Amy, thank you so much for being with us. If for me and the audience, if we can apply, you know, 2% of the wisdom you've shared here for sure, our lives are getting more vibrant and better and so is the world. So thank you for not not just for investing this time with us, which I appreciate, but for all that you've done over so many years to cultivate this wisdom in yourself, to overcome challenges, to find more love in yourself because you know, that's brought you to this point. And that's amazing what what you've overcome. And so just who you are and what you bring by being who you are. So thank you.

Amy Hardison:
Thank you, thank you for your program and the light it brings into the world.

Daniel Aaron:
Well, it's a great honor and a pleasure. And for y'all in our audience, thank you for tuning in. I love that you are not just interested in a more vibrant, thriving life, that you're doing something about it. Again, please, please, please don't just take this as entertainment information. Actually take at least one thing and say, I'm going to apply that in my life today. And maybe, maybe it would be a little more kindness, a little more generosity, a little more touching into your purpose. Thank you so much for being with us, y'all, and please make your life a masterpiece. I'll see you soon. Aloha! Mahalo for tuning in to the Art of Vibrant Living show y'all! I'm Daniel Aaron and may you live with great vibrancy.

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